The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (22 page)

The interpretation of
n
is not as easy as one may expect. It represents the amount of believed influence of god in everyday life. In Hinduism, two terms containing
n
are present because of the great number of gods in which they believe. The FSM Church has one
n
factor because its god is still alive. The other elements of
either have a dead messiah or no god at all.

As you may have noticed, a god difference
(“delta god”) is present, which can of course be calculated by summation of all god factors:

This outstanding quadratic equation will be solved later in this paper.

In general, the faith symbol is defined to be the sum of god’s influence on earth:

… Conservation of faith

L
EMMA
: All elements of
show a profound
conservation of faith
. This is similar to the
conservation of energy
in physics.

  Sometimes, someone ministers an ecumenical church service. In this case, the god difference is zero. A little historical excursus leads us to Ecumenes, who was the first to prove this important equation. Ecumenes fulfilled all criteria of a human being except the criterion of existence. What a pity. This important equation also allows solving the quadratic equation mentioned earlier:

L
EMMA:
Solving the
first principle of Ecumenes
leads to introducing the complex numbers into FSM Theologebra.

  The next issue illustrates how useful mathematical methods applied to nonalgebraic subjects can be. In general, the gradient results in the direction of a multidimensional structure. Assuming that god is a multidimensional structure, the
divergence
of god, written
, represents
god’s will
. Applying our extended Boolean structure on the Nabla symbol, we can define it as the derivation after && (then-and-only-then) and
(not-or-never) and insert the god operator:

A different philosophical approach to this topic brings us closer to the question: “What does God really want?” This is very easy to answer. God wants faith to arise with greater influence and he wants himself to arise with greater influence. This results in a second equation for god’s will:

In words: “God’s will is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti God.”
Inserting this result into the earlier result for god’s will implies

Spoken: “Church of the Flying Spaghetti God—so it is.”

It has been a sad fact to Pastafarians globally that Piracy is on the decline. This displeases our Noodly Lord, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and He has shown His discontent by showering us with more and more natural disasters. This past year alone shows just how much we have incurred His wrath, from tsunamis and hurricanes and earthquakes, not to mention the ever-worrisome dilemma of global warming. But to those who are not well-versed in FSMism, it must seem a puzzle why our merciful and great Noodly Lord should choose Pirates as His shepherds.

To answer this question, we must look back to days when these noble swashbucklers roamed the high seas. Pirates were a superstitious bunch, and tales abound as to the creatures they encountered. One famous example is the myth that upon encountering manatees, Pirates mistook them to be mermaids. In reality our holy texts show undeniable evidence that mermaids are in fact real, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in His infinite Noodly wisdom, has hidden them from us to express His growing ire. But I digress.