The Guide to Getting It On (183 page)

ELBOW GREASE—a brand of lubricant often used for masturbation or anal play, well known in the gay community.

ELECTROPLAY—using different types of electrical current on the genitals and other body parts. Requires special equipment and can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Some kinds of electroplay use the current in an attempt to enhance pleasure. Other forms of electroplay are used to administer pain, which people who are into BDSM can perceive as pleasurable. See “e-play.”

ELLA—latest pill approved for emergency contraception.

EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION—1. let’s say you didn’t use birth control, or your method failed (the condom broke, you forgot to take the pill for a few days or you were raped). If you don’t want to become pregnant, you’ve got three choices: roll the dice and do nothing, have a copper IUD installed within 5 days—which would take care of your birth control needs for the next 7 to 10 years safely and hassle free, or take Plan B or Ella ASAP. 2. Both Plan B and Ella work by preventing the egg from leaving the ovary. So if you take them after the egg has entered the Fallopian tubes, they do not work. Contrary to what some abstinence-only groups have claimed, neither Plan B nor Ella cause an abortion. In fact, this is why you need to take them as soon after unprotected intercourse as possible, because once you ovulate, they don’t work. 3. Plan B is one pill, while the generic version of Plan B is two pills. You can take both of the generic pills at once, and you’ve got the same dose as if you took one Plan B. Plan B does not require a prescription if you are over 17, and males can buy it as well as females. However, as of presstime, you need to ask the pharmacist for Plan B. 4. Ella is more effective than Plan B. However you need a prescription for it. 5. Plan B has been shown to be extremely safe, even if taken multiple times. 6. People often confuse Plan B with Mifepristone which causes an abortion. (Mifepristone was known as RU-486 during clinical trials, and in the US it is called Mifeprex.)

EMERGENT SEX—when cybersex occurs in games that were not designed for players or avatars to have sex in. Can range from simple avatar-avatar flirting in an MMORPG like World of Warcraft to entire sexual economies in an MMO such as Second Life. While it might feel safer because it is not real life, emergent sex can take on some of the emotions that accompany real-life sex.

ENDOCRINE DISRUPTERS—see “phthalates.”

ENDORPHINS—hormones secreted during exercise, laughter and orgasm. These hormones are pain-relieving and share similarities with morphine. Endorphins are also secreted when the body is being stressed or when pain is applied, such as in BDSM, which is said to result in pain reduction and euphoria.

ENGLISH CULTURE—refers to being turned on by spanking or caning.

ENURESIS—peeing in your sleep. Happens to almost as many girls as guys and can last until adulthood. It can be a really lousy thing to have and is sometimes very difficult to shake. Modern pee-absorbing underwear makes it less embarrassing.

EPHEBOPHILIA—where an older man has a sexual obsession for teens who are approximately 15 to 18. The term “Lolita” is associated with straight men who have this desire, and “twinks” with gay men, where the boy’s genitals are fully adult, but his beard hasn’t come in and he looks young for his age.

EPIDIDYMIS—tightly coiled tube that sits on the top and back of the testicles; a storage space where the sperm can mature. The scrotal version of oak barrels where wine or whiskey mellows and ages.

EPIDIDYMITIS—when your epididymis gets an infection.

EPISIOTOMY—an incision made in the bottom of a woman’s vaginal opening to increase its size so she can deliver a baby without tearing herself.

EPISPADIAS—a developmental problem where the urethra comes out the top of the penis. Related to hypospadias but different and much less common.

E-PLAY—using electricity in a way that is sexually exciting. Can be mild (e-stim or e-jo, electrical jerk off ), or painful for BDSM. See “electric play.”

EROTICISM—state of tension fueled by sexual desire.

EROTOPHILIC—refers to people who have positive feelings about sex.

ESCORT—sex worker or prostitute, can provide social as well as sex services.

EUNUCH—man without balls, literally; sometimes without a penis as well. It can be a self-administered fetish or is done at the man’s request. In past centuries, it was done to slaves and choir boys. Eunuchs could rise to positions of influence or power, given how they were not seen as the kind of threat that a man with sexual urges might be. In the later Roman Empire, the “real power” was thought to be in the hands of the Emperor’s Chief Eunuch. In the Byzantine era, it was not unusual for parents to have one of their sons castrated, with the hope that he would rise to a trusted position, and would then be able to offer help and aid to his other family members. In the modern era, parents don’t have this done to their sons, but it doesn’t mean they haven’t thought about it.

FACEBOOK WHORE—a person who does not seem to experience his or her life unless it’s posted on FB. Someone who regards FB wall posts as the building blocks of life. See “myspace whore” for historical reference.

FACE SITTING—when a woman straddles the face of the person who is giving her oral sex; see “queening.”

FACIAL—when a male ejaculates on his partner’s face. A staple of mainstream male porn; may we suggest you not try it at home without discussing it first.

FAG HAG—a woman who hangs out with gay men and claims to want sex with straight men, but seems to fear intimacy with them; “fruit fly.”

FAP—male masturbation term that comes from the sound a guy makes when he’s, well, fapping. Often results from having a fap-attack. Also can be used in reference to someone or something that looks hot, because they make you want to fap or masturbate.

FARANG—Thai term for whites or Westerners. “Farang prostitution” refers to the flesh trade that revolves around the pocketbooks and penises of Westerners. It wouldn’t be unusual for the Thai to say, “These are Farang sex tourists on a two-week shagging spree.”

FAYGELEH—Yiddish term for gay male.

FANNY—in Britain and Australia, the vulva or vagina; in America, the arse.

FANNY MAGNET—British for something that attracts swarms of women, “You should see his brother’s Aston Martin, a right fanny magnet!”

FAUXMOSEXUAL—man who appears gay by his mannerisms but who sleeps with women; aka “metrosexual.”

FEELDOE DILDO—a two-headed dildo that stimulates both the “doer” and “receiver.” If a woman is beefy enough, she might get away wearing it without a harness. Has a bulb-like end that goes in the vagina of the wearer that helps it stay put. The company makes a model with a smaller dildo end, which is often preferred by male-female couples in ‘bend over boyfriend’ situations. The model with the bigger dildo end is more often preferred when the receiver has a vagina.

FEEL UP—to touch or stimulate a partner’s genitals with your hand; “grope.”

FELCHING—when a man sucks or licks his own ejaculate out of whichever of his partner’s orifices he shot it into.

FELLATIO—from the Latin “fellare” meaning “that which stops after marriage.”

fembot—a droid commissioned by Dr. Evil to do in Austin Powers.

FEMDOM—a term born from the fusion of “female” and “domination,” where a woman has control or dominance in a relationship because it fits the emotional chemistry of both partners, and they want it that way. Femdom can be as extreme as a full-time mistress/slave arrangement including serious cock’n’ball torture, or it might include only occasional role-playing and perhaps a bit of foot worship, bondage or queening.

FEMALE EJACULATION—some women squirt extra fluid as part of having an orgasm; varies in volume and frequency. See further discussion in the chapter “What’s Inside a Girl.”

FEMALE MASTURBATION—when a woman stimulates her genitals for sexual reasons, aka “she bop,” “diddle,” “frig,” “jill off,” “muffin’buffin’,” “slam the clam.”

FEMORAL INTERCOURSE—when a lubricated penis slides between the labia like a hot dog sliding up and down the length of a hot-dog bun.

FEMME—feminine-looking lesbian as opposed to butch; aka “lipstick lesbian.”

FENCE PAINTING—how it looks when a male porn actor performs oral sex on a female. Because seeing a woman’s genitals is more important in porn than her pleasure, he sticks his tongue way out like he’s painting a fence with it.

FETISH—a particular prop (leather, rubber, underwear, shoes, etc.), body part (feet, hair, breasts, etc.), or a scenario that a person relies on to get off sexually; “a paraphilia.” The prop can be fantasized or exist in actuality. One philosopher has described a “fetish” as when a hungry person sits down at a dinner table and feels full from simply fondling the napkin. Also a lucky charm or object that is believed to have special or magical powers.

FIFTY-FOOTER—someone who looks hot from across the room, but starts looking less inviting with each approaching step.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY—a book that made reading about being spanked while having ben wa balls in your vagina a popular literary pastime. This, in a nation that has spent a billion dollars on abstinence-only sex education. Rarely does a blockbuster national best seller receive so many bad reviews from people who really wanted to like it. That’s because it’s not very well written. The selling points are when the leading male character is perfect (young, great looking, brilliant, with a big dick and billions of dollars in the bank) and never has to work, but instead spends all of his time worshipping and being fixated on the protagonist who he enjoys having kinky sex with.

FIGGING—when a peeled piece of ginger is inserted into the anus as you would a suppository to create a burning feeling. Is said to increase sexual enjoyment. Why “figging” and not “gingering”? The term probably comes from the 19th century expression “feague” or “feaguing” which meant to put a piece of peeled ginger up a horse’s arse which caused the horse to march with its tail held high. This was a popular practice among mounted military regimens.

FIGMO—military term meaning “fuck it, got my orders;” used when someone wants you to do something but you are already occupied.

FIST FUCKING (FISTING OR HANDBALLING)—placing a fist into the rectum or vagina, hopefully with lots of lube. It can be a male fist or a female fist, but if you hold the average male hand against the average female hand, some people might prefer the woman’s while those with a skosh more room in their orifices might prefer the male hand. The term is a misnomer, since the hand goes in with the fingers extended and fingertips bunched together rather than in a fist. However, once it’s inside, all bets are off.

FLAMING—term for an effeminate male; “nellie,” “a nancy boy,” “fem,” “queen,” the opposite of being butch. In the cybersphere, flaming is an extreme and perhaps pointless argument in a chat room or forum; aka “flaming out.”

FLAPPER—term used to describe a sexually liberated woman during the 1920s who flaunted her unconventional approach to life. Also refers to a style of fashion during the 1920s.

FLIP & FUCK—a cheap fold-out chair made out of large foam cushions that easily turn into an imitation futon. Comes in handy for couples as a quick place for sex in college dorm rooms and student apartments.

FLOG THE LOG—to masturbate or fap.

FLUFFER—a person who keeps male porn stars erect when they are not on camera. Fluffers aren’t used as much these days, as today’s male porn star either has trained wood (erects on cue), takes lots of Viagra, or is out of a job.

FORCED MILKING—A term borrowed from our friends in the BDSM community, where a male is made to ejaculate repeatedly.

FORDYCE SPOTS—tiny yellowish or white bumps on the, scrotum, shaft of the penis, labia, nipple and lips that occur when sebaceous or oil-producing glands in the skin get clogged up. Fordyce spots aren’t filled with pus like a zit might be, but they do start to form during puberty when testosterone kicks the sebaceous glands into high gear. Often smaller than the head of a pin, these little bumps can make the skin look like that of a plucked chicken. Fordyce spots are not contagious and they aren’t caused by a sexually-transmitted infection.

FORESKIN—male equivalent of the clitoral hood. A sensitive flap of skin with thousands of nerve endings that extends from the shaft of the penis over the glans to keep the latter moist and safe. Also allows the penis to more easily glide during intercourse, and makes lube less necessary for jerking off and hand jobs. The part that gets chopped off during circumcision.

FORNICATION—intercourse between people who are not married.

FOUCAULT—a French philosopher who philosophized about sex. What’s more fun and exciting, reading Foucault or Lacan?—get back to you on that one. One of the things Foucault believed: Once the church decided we needed to confess our sins to a priest in order to save our souls, we needed to find ways to put our sins into words. And so we started describing sex, which was sinful, with words, and this gave governments and religions ways to regulate it, and sex became a way of having power over someone, even in intimate relationships. Got that? Unless you’ve got BooKoo, Red Bull or Rockstar handy, be very wary of paragraphs containing the names of both “Foucault” and “Nietzsche.”

FRAZIER—manliest lion to ever live in captivity; once had intercourse more than 160 times in three days. Died shortly thereafter.

FREEBALLING—when a guy isn’t wearing any underwear, aka “commando”.