The Guide to Getting It On (187 page)

PEEING WITH A HARD-ON—a misery inflicted on the human male in the morning, though much worse when he’s a teen. Peeing with a hard-on is a difficult act to achieve, since the passageway to the bladder is closed off when a male gets an erection. Even if you can pee when it’s hard, what do you do—stand back three feet and hope the arc ends in the toilet? A phenomenon that originally caused Hindus to invent meditation, with the earliest mantra being “Lord, let this hard-on subside before my bladder bursts.”

PEGGING—when a girl does her guy in the rear. See “strap-on” and “Feeldoe.”

PELVIC INFLAMMATORY DISEASE (PID)—inflammation of the female reproductive organs, often the Fallopian tubes, usually caused by a bacterial infection.

PENIS STUFFER—see “sounds.”

PERINEUM—demilitarized zone of the human crotch. The area between the bum and genitals in men and women. Interestingly, it’s a lot longer (2x) in males than in females. Taoist types get all weak in the knees about the perineum, which they consider to be quite sensitive. See “taint.”

PERIOD PANTIES—formerly favorite underwear that women reserve for period duty, can also be budget wear. Or some women just wear dark panties during flow days, so they don’t have to worry about stains.

PERSISTENT GENITAL AROUSAL DISORDER (PGAD AS OPPOSED TO EGADS!)—when a woman’s genitals are physically aroused or engorged for hours or days, but she is distressed by the situation and doesn’t feel any desire to have sex. Having sex and orgasms provides little or no relief. This would be like if a man had an unwanted erection that wouldn’t go down, and the most earth-shaking orgasm and ejaculation would not bring a smile of satisfaction or a dent in the tent in the front of his pants. PGAD is poorly understood.

PEYRONIE’S DISEASE (pD)—a condition that results in a curving or bending deformity of the penis that can range from mild to so severe that intercourse is not possible and there can be pain with erection. PD results from plaques forming on the tunica albuginea of the penis. This results in scar tissue that prevents that side of the penis from expanding during erection. This causes curvature during erection and sometimes pain. (Think of putting a piece of tape on one side of a long balloon, then blowing it up.) Most PD patients are between 45 and 65 years of age, with the average onset occurring at 53 years. The causes of PD are not fully understood. There is no approved treatment for PD. Attempts to treat PD have including intralesional nicardipine injection, vacuum therapy, vitamin E, potaba, colchicine, tamoxifen, carnitine, pentoxifylline, PDE5 inhibitors and surgery. Treatment options and success often depend on the stage and severity of the PD. While there is spontaneous repair in some cases, these would be in the minority. Men with moderate to severe cases are often clinically depressed, describing themselves as “feeling like a freak.” Pyronie’s-related depression can take its toll on a relationship.

PHTHALATES—esters of phthalic acid that are added to plastics to make them more flexible. Used in everything from baby bottles and detergents to shower curtains, certain glues, and jelly rubber sex toys. Phthalates are endocrine disruptors which cause genital abnormalities in the fetus. The distance between the scrotum and anus in baby boys born to mothers with higher levels of endocrine disruptors are often shorter than normal, which is significant because this makes the male’s anogential distance more like that of a female. This shorter distance would indicate that the male’s genitals may not have been as fully masculinized as nature intended. Infertility is more common in men with a shorter anogenital distance. Phthalates and endocrine disruptors pose a huge environmental hazard, including concern that they are contributing to a lower birth rate of males and an increase in undescended testicles.

PIERCING—placing jewelry, a safety pin or facsimile through a person’s nose, lip, nipples, navel, genitals, etc.; a form of body mod.

PINK PEARL—pink, bullet-shaped vibrator; can be inserted into the vagina.

PILLOW BITER—refers to anal sex, or when receiving anal sex is painful.

PISTON SHOT—in porn, when the camera is doing such an extreme close-up that you can see the woman’s inner labia slide in and out with each stroke of the penis; related terms: “gyno shot” and “P&P (pimples & penetration).”

PITCHER—partner who is doing the inserting in anal sex; “top.”

PIT JOB—intercourse using the armpit as a vagina.

PLAN B—see “emergency contraception.”

POCKET POOL—rubbing the testicles or penis when you have your hands in your pockets. It often looks like a guy is doing this when he’s got his hands in his pockets and is rubbing coins or his fingers together.

POLYAMORY—in this form of lifestyle, people have sex in more than one committed relationships that are ongoing. It is different from swinging, where you have sex with other swingers but aren’t in a committed relationships with them. Can include everything from open marriage to polygamy.

POLYCYSTIC OVARY SYNDROME (PCOS)—a hormone imbalance that can result in irregular periods, unwanted hair growth, acne, extra weight gain, baldness, and patches of dark skin on the back of your neck and inner thighs that weren’t caused by some guy giving you a hickey. Nearly 1 of every 10 to 20 women have it, and it tends to be especially common in young women. Cases can be mild or severe. Researchers still don’t know what causes PCOS, but they suspect that insulin resistance plays a factor in many cases. The symptoms of PCOS start when your pituitary makes too much leutinizing hormone (LH) and/or your pancreas makes too much insulin. This causes your ovaries to make more testosterone than your body needs, which helps explain the extra acne and body hair. Too much testosterone can also cause cysts in your ovaries which aren’t so much cysts as they are immature follicles which started to develop but stopped before they could release an egg. The most common treatment for PCOS is the birth control pill, which lowers testosterone in a woman’s body, as well as diet and exercise. PCOS is also associated with diabetes and obesity, and can result in making it difficult to conceive. Consultation with an endocrinologist who specializes in PCOS is highly advisable.

POLYMORPHOUS PERVERSE—kinky

PON FARR—the Vulcan mating cycle, which causes logic to crumble and the normally stoic Vulcan to become an emotional mess. See “Star-Trek sex.”

POONTANG—word of dubious origin that refers to a woman’s genitals, or what one received from them if he is a male.

PONY BOY—BDSM-speak for a man who pretends to be a horse while his master or mistress rides him, sometimes with crop in hand. There are specially made halter gags, pony tail butt plugs and leather pony-feet trainers for pony boys and pony girls. “Pony training” is BDSM-speak for schooling a submissive.

POOFTER—British term for a gay male; “anal amigo,” “bum chum,” “starfish trooper,” “sausage jockey” or “on the other bus.”

POP A COD—to seriously injure a testicle.

POP A SQUAT—to sit down, or when a woman has to pee outside.

POPPERS—sold over the counter as a liquid air deodorizer, poppers were originally made of amyl nitrate (which is for heart patients). Then the formula was switched to butyl nitrate because the amyl formulation could no longer be legally sold over the counter. When butyl nitrate was outlawed, popper makers switched the formula to a type of isopropyl alcohol which is fairly dangerous, but legal nonetheless. Poppers are very popular in the gay community. Popper vapors are inhaled immediately before orgasm with the resulting sensation described by some as amazing and indescribable. One problem with poppers is that the current formulation can kill you if you have hidden heart problems. It is especially dangerous to combine poppers and Viagra, as both lower blood pressure. Some people feel that popper usage might weaken the immune system, but there’s no research on the matter.

POSER PORN—generic term that refers to 3-D adult erotic animation. Some of the first and best software for creating 3-D erotic animation was Poser from Curious Labs, and this is how the entire genre came to be called Poser Porn; “renderotica;” see “adult graphics community” or www.Renderotica.com.

POV PORN—a type of porn that is filmed from the male actor’s perspective or “point of view.” The camera is either placed behind the male actor or he holds the camera while performing. Allows the viewer to imagine he’s the man.

PRECUM—slick, clear fluid that drips out of the penis when it is excited. Most people assume it is nature’s own form of sex lube. Precum also helps to neutralize or deacidify the urethra. This makes it easier on semen during ejaculation. Precum also makes the walls of the urethra more slick so the wad has less resistance, and helps get a girlfriend pregnant. It also helps the foreskin slide more easily over the head of the penis. Does not normally have sperm in it, unless some was in the urethra from a prior ejaculation. see “Cowper’s glands.”

PREPUCE—the foreskin.

PRIAPISM—a hard-on that won’t quit. Not good. Having an erection for more than four hours straight without its going down can result in permanent penile paralysis. Not a common occurrence, but emergency room visits should be planned accordingly. Priapism is named after Priapus, son of Aphrodite and Dionysus, god of male reproductive power. It can occur in boys between the ages of 5 and 10 (causes include leukemia, sickle-cell disease, or physical injury), as well as in older males, where causes can range from drugs or black-widow spider bites to bicycle injuries, disease, or a kick in the crotch while martial-arts sparing. In many cases, the cause is not determined. There are two types of priapism, low-flow and high-flow. It is very important for the physician to diagnose which type it is, as this can help determine proper treatment and follow-up. Low-flow is often more dangerous. In some types of priapism, the glans or head of the penis is not erect, though the shaft is. Priapism often has little to do with sexual arousal.

PRIMARY ORGASMIC DYSFUNCTION—when a woman is able to feel sexually aroused or sexually excited, but has never been able to have a toe-curling orgasm, either with masturbation or with a partner. Directed masturbation exercises are often successful in helping women with primary as opposed to secondary orgasmic dysfunction. See “secondary orgasmic dysfunction.”

PRINCE ALBERT—male genital piercing where the ring goes in through the urethra and comes out on the underside of the penis. Allegedly named after the husband of Queen Victoria, who had it done so he could strap his rather well-endowed penis to his leg to keep it from showing through the tight-fitting trousers that were in fashion. But this is probably more rumor than truth. Queen Victoria never mentioned it in her state papers. See “showerhead effect.” See the chapter “Piercings and Tattoos.”

PROMISCUOUS—term for a person who is having more sex than you, often said with a tone of moral superiority.

PROSTATE—walnut-shaped gland located on the floor of a man’s rectum nearly a finger’s length up his bum. It generates about 30% of the fluid in each ejaculation. The prostate contracts seconds before orgasm, resulting in a fine feeling. It enlarges with age, sometimes making it difficult to pee. Some men (straight, gay—it doesn’t matter) enjoy the feeling that results from having the prostate rubbed; others would sooner die. See the chapter “The Prostate.”

PROSTATITIS—according to the excellent Prostatitis foundation, “Prostatitis is an inflammation of the prostate gland, often resulting in swelling or pain. Prostatitis can result in four significant symptoms: pain, urination problems, sexual dysfunction, and general health problems, such as feeling tired and depressed.” Less than 5% of cases of prostate pain are from infection. The problem often isn’t in the prostate itself, but from the tissues and muscles that surround the prostate. For more information, go to
www.prostatitis.org
.

PSA—abbreviation for “prostate specific antigen,” which is made by the prostate and helps liquefy semen after it’s been ejaculated. (Come in a glass, and see what happens to your thick wad in about 15. That’s PSA doing its job.) The liquefying action of PSA is what makes male ejaculate so easily drip down women’s legs after intercourse, as well as contributing to the wet spot on the mattress. PSA tends to be elevated in men who have prostate cancer. Can be checked via a routine blood test, but is never definitive by itself. PSA is present in very small amounts in breast milk and amniotic fluid. PSA is also what Southwest Airlines used to be called.

PUDENDA—anatomical term for women’s external genitals (vulva); from the Latin word “pudere,” which means “to be ashamed.”

PULLING A TRAIN—see “gang bang.”

PUNANNY—rasta or reggae term for sex; “I wan’ punanny!”

PUNK—a prison term for a submissive and often younger male who is on the receiving end of anal sex; “catcher.” The punk is seldom in the relationship because he is gay or because it is his choice; see “hooking up (prison).” Musically speaking, the term “punk” was adopted in the late 1970s to describe a movement within rock’n’roll. Punk bands had a rougher and more immediate edge than mainstream bands.

PUSSY POSSE—the vice squad. Or a group of women who worship one guy.

PUSSY WHIPPED (PW)—where the male grovels and begs in excess of what is normally required to have sex.

PUSSY WHIPPER—a sexual partner who is controlling and rarely satisfied. She often wishes aloud that her man would be more aggressive, yet would annihilate him the second he dared.

QAF—Queer As Folk, the ground-breaking television series about the lives of six gay men and a lesbian couple. A wildy-successful American-Canadian production that ran from 2000 to 2005.