The Hunter (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (11 page)

I knock softly a few doors down. When no one responds, I hesitantly crack the door open. You can never be too careful of a teenage girl. I don’t know what they do in their bedrooms, and I never want to find out. It’s too scary to contemplate. All is quiet and dark. I enter, and walk to the tall, lithe young woman that is curled around a stuffed monkey. I smile as I touch its ear- Monkmee.

“I’
m sorry,” I whisper into Ava’s ear as she sleeps. “I love you, and I’ll try to be a better father. I didn’t have anyone to learn it from when I was growing up. I’m doing my best.”

“Will you talk to me tomorrow sometime abou
t what’s going on with you?” Ava murmurs so quietly I barely hear her.

“I’ll try to explain it to you since I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I will try. Good night, Sweetheart.”

The Hunter: Past
-Chapter Eleven-

I smile down at the pair that is entwined with each other. Kat’s soft snores echo around the room. I can tell she is dreaming. I hope her imagination is better than her reality. I hope her dreams aren’t nightmares like mine. Normally I sleep on the other side of Katya. Tonight I don’t want to disturb her
, and I can sense that Ezra is barely sleeping. Something tells me that Ezra is about to make his nightly rounds. I’ll save him the trouble if he’ll only believe me.

“Everyone is safe and sound. I just checked in with everyone.
The twins are snug in their cribs, Marcus was on the phone with Regina, and I even saw your mother in the hall. Don’t leave,” I pleadingly whisper in Ezra’s ear as I spoon his back to my front. I wrap my arms tightly around him and I wonder if I meant don’t leave to check on everyone or don’t leave me- ever.
Ezra doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t leave, either. He also doesn’t hug my arms to his chest as he used to do. The changes hit me at once. It was so gradual that I was blind to them. I don’t know the last time I held Ezra. It has to be months ago… at least.

I kiss the nape of Ezra’
s neck and he tenses under my touch. I kiss him again experimentally, and he still stays tense. I nip him with my teeth and swing my leg over his hip. He can remain stiff in my embrace, but I will never allow him to run from me.

“The night I found you with Dexter I was coming to fix what had been wrong between us. I was going to tell you what was
blocking me. I saw you with Dexter and my trust evaporated. I couldn’t trust you with my problems. I’ve been punishing you ever since. I know it’s hypocritical, but you let someone else inside your body, it was supposed to be
mine
,” I sob into the back of Ezra’s neck. He doesn’t reply, but his hands fly up to touch me, one holds my arms and the other grips my thigh.

“I won’t lie
… Fuck,” I hiss. “There is no sense in it. It’s so obvious. Yes, I want Marcus. Yes, it’s thrilling. Truthfully, some of it is that I can get a straight man hot for me. Most of it is that I can get someone so strong to bend for me. It’s an addictive high that I have to give up. I like playing this game with him. But most importantly, it’s about trust. I trust Marcus in all things. We both know you and I can never fully trust the other, and not just because we are enemies within the game. I told myself for years what I did with Marcus wasn’t cheating. I was lying to myself, in denial. Everything I do is to punish you over and over again. Seeing Dexter and you- my world turned on its axis and I haven’t tried to right it since. But I am trying to now.”

“You can be with Marc, and I’ll try not to see it
as cheating.” Ezra’s voice is barely a whisper.

“You’re a better man than me. I’d be crazed right now with jealousy. You guys were right to use each other to get me to come back to you. Nothing would have done it faster than jealousy. And no on
e makes me as jealous as you.”

“Marcus told you the truth? Wow…
I didn’t think he ever would. I felt gross having you believe I would willing fuck the man I call father. It was Marc’s maniacal idea. For once it wasn’t me coming up with the manipulative schemes.” Ezra chuckles and the vibrations radiate through his back to warm my chest.

“I can’
t promise that I won’t allow Marcus to fuck me. I don’t know why I want it from him, but I do.” I confess.

“
I know, and I’m not mad,” Ezra quietly murmurs. He may not be angry, but he is devastated. If I’m going to repair us, I have to be truthful, even if it’s brutal.

“I
’ve always said that I like girls better than guys, and that isn’t true. But maybe it’s time that I admit to myself that I’m bisexual or something since I’ve been attracted to several men, and all of them were dominating bastards.” I heavily sigh into Ezra’s hair, preparing to admit the reason I pulled away from Ezra, and it’s not the betrayals. “I have nightmares. That is what I was going to tell you. I relive our time with Ray, specifically what I did to Aaron. That is what stops me from having sex with you. I fear that I will freak out while I’m with you… inside you. And after watching Aaron’s reaction to his rape, I don’t know if I can allow a man to do that to me. I’m terrified… of so many things.”

We lie quietly for a
long while as Ezra sorts through everything I just said. He is analyzing me, but for once I am thankful for his perceptive mind. Katya is no longer snoring. Her breathing is even and I know she is awake with us- listening, observing, as is her way. I reach over Ezra for Kitten’s hand. It immediately finds mine. I hear a sniffle and it breaks my heart. I love Katya. I always will. But I don’t know what to make of her. I tighten my fingers over hers and she returns the pressure.

“The nightmares stopped?” I hear the tone
of hope in Ezra’s voice, and it makes me feel bad that I have to ruin it.

“They were the worst when I was sharing a bed with Divina. It would keep us both awake all night long
- every night. But it was right after we returned, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. We finally had to separate so that I didn’t harm her failing health.” I snort and the ludicrousness. “I was harmful to my wife’s health…” I shake my head in disgust.

“
The nightmares lightened up when I came back to you. But, no, they have never stopped- not one night since we were abducted have I been free. Most nights it’s just snippets of memory, and I can deal with that. It goes in spurts- I can go a week at a time without it turning into a full-blown nightmare, and then other times, it’s a nightly occurrence of maddening torture. The nightmares are nightly now. I haven’t went a night in almost a year without reliving what I did to Aaron in sharp clarity with alternate endings… and I don’t know if I can ever do that to anyone again- even you. I don’t know if I deserve to do that to you after… everything I’ve done.”

“I’m glad you told us. I und
erstand.” Ezra’s voice is filled with emotions that I can’t fathom. His fingers tighten and loosen on my thigh, as if he’s holding himself back from touching me.

“I want to
…” The ache in my tone is suffocating. “I crave the sensation, the feeling of completeness that I can only get from being inside of you,” I murmur into Ezra’s ear, so softly that Katya won’t overhear. That is private- it will always be between just Ezra and me- no one else. “Never doubt how much I want you.” I kiss Ezra’s neck again, and this time he doesn’t tense up, he melts for me.

“I have been such a rat-bastard. I’ve flaunted myself in front of you as I brutally fucked woman after woman. I was trying to deny my nature. I understand why you’re an
gry with me. I’d have killed your ass by now if you had done that to me. I was so jealous of Kat that I abused her. I can’t imagine what it was like for you to watch me with hundreds of woman. I know the difference now. It was Marc that upset you. My attraction to Marc is the real betrayal, that I’ll give him what I deny you. It isn’t about you, Ezra. It sounds selfish, and it is, but it’s all about me and my fucked up mind. I know you understand better than anyone how difficult it is to come to terms with something when your mind doesn’t want you to.”

“I meant what I said earlier, get it out of
your system and come back to me.” I can hear the honest sincerity in Ezra’s voice and it gives me courage to continue.

“I don’t want
it to be an either/or thing. I… this is madness… the way I hunger to touch Marc. It’s pure insanity. But I don’t want to touch him if it means I can’t touch you. I’ll tell Marcus no if you say I can’t have you both while I get my shit straight. I’ll just shove down this… addiction…”

“No, don’t,” Ezra huskily orders. “You have to experience it. I don’t want you to wonder your entire life and resent me for holding you back. Just… get it over with, and then come back to me.”

“It’s not about coming back to you, Ezra, because I’ve never left you. You are always in my mind, heart, and soul… I walk around in a perpetual state of missing you. I still want to come to bed to you and touch you. I hold no fantasies that Marc and I are destined to be together. It’s all about attraction- chemistry. I love Marc. I trust Marc. I lust after Marc. But my future is with you… and our children… and Kat… and I’m not going to fuck it up any longer. I can’t make any promises, but I’m willing to try.”

“Good enough. As much as Kat and I love each other
, we still need you. We are three people, not two, and without you we are incomplete. Our arms feel empty without you in them. I won’t pressure you for anything you cannot give, but you need to at least try. Katya is a genius- she came up with a compromise. It would be better if you were with us when we tried it.”

I can hear the amusement in Ezra’
s voice, but I’m too big of a coward to ask him what the compromise is. Something tells me I’m not ready to know.

I kiss my way down the curve of Ezra’
s back. I bite into his meaty shoulder, sinking my teeth. He squirms for me and makes a contented sound in the back of his throat. I miss Ezra so badly. I miss the connection of touching him. He was the first person I touched and the first that touched me. Playing is fun, but it’s the connection to the people that matter the most that is important. That is the connection I’ve been sabotaging.

I nibble my way down Ezra’s
back, his soft flesh sliding along my lips. I can feel his skin tighten and bead with goosebumps beneath my touch. I smile against his skin, luxuriating in pure satisfaction. I know where to touch and how to touch to give Ezra the most pleasure. I find something blocking my path and scowl into the darkness.

“Jammies? Since when do you wear pajamas?” I ask of the boxers that are covering his ass and hips. I pull the waistband
with my front-teeth and growl.

“Since I didn’t want to bother
your delicate sensibilities,” Ezra deadpans, causing me to snort.

“Delicate? I haven’t been since you
first crept into my bed when we were toddlers.” I pull the offending garment from Ezra’s hips and he wiggles them off the rest of the way. My lips find the smooth expanse of his hip and kiss. I lick the groove and he groans loudly. I bite the cheek of his ass and he nearly jumps from the bed. I chuckle and do it again. My tongue slips down his crack and he cries out.

“Dammit, Cort! Don’t start something
you won’t finish. I mean it,” Ezra furiously chastises in his Master Ez voice.

Ignoring Ezra’s outburst, I
do it again. My fingertips bite into Ezra’s ass cheeks as I separate the muscular globes for greater access for my tongue. Ezra hisses out in surprise as he reaches back to grip my hair. He fails to pull me away when I make contact with the one place he longs for me to touch. Ezra’s fingers twist but don’t find purchase. Fingertips slip free of my hair as I circle Ezra’s bud with the tip my tongue.

“Cort,” Ezra growls his warning
, but his body tells a different tale. He is lax in my arms. Ezra’s fingers are no longer trying to push me away, they are trying to push me closer. His hips angle back, trying to get closer to my wet tongue. His body shakes and quivers as I tongue him.

“You said I was to at least try. This is me trying.” I repeat the moti
on with my tongue and render Ezra speechless.

My God,
how I’ve missed him. Ezra’s taste is my perfect drug. He feels so incredible beneath my tongue that I could cry out in bliss. I want this. I need to be inside Ezra- it is as essential as breathing. I hunger to curl around Ezra’s back and thrust forever…but fear runs my life.

Fear ruins my life.

No doubt the memories of the heinous acts I performed on the boy I had sworn to protect would smash down on me and taint Ezra’s and my reunion. I can’t chance it. I shouldn’t ever enjoy the act when I’ve so wrongly taken from the innocent.

“You’re trying my damned patience
, is what you’re trying,” Ezra snarls, but his body’s response is screaming in ecstasy. The bud of his ass is tightening around the tip of my tongue, begging for what I can’t give. “I will not be held responsible for my actions when I roll you on your back and mount you for trying this. Trying is touching me, not reaming my asshole like you plan on fucking it.” Ezra’s voice is angry, frustrated, but lust is winning out.

“Kitten, bring that pretty
, wet kitty over here and occupy your husband so he’ll shut the hell up. Ezra keeps interrupting me.” I smirk at the teasing lilt to my voice.

I pull Katya’s hand to
drag her over to me. Light filters in from beneath the door to the hallway. I can see the shine in Katya’s eyes. She is fully awake and aroused. Katya doesn’t wear jammies for my delicate sensibilities. Her rosy nipples glow in the pale light, begging for attention. I bite one and she squeals in delight. I settle Kat onto her side so that Ezra spoons her back. When Kitten is comfortable, my hand ventures down Ezra’s abs until I grab his rock-hard cock in my hand. Ezra chokes in a breath. I grin widely when Ezra’s dick pulses erratically against my palm and dampens my flesh with his arousal.

“I
know you’ve both been naughty. But this time I want to see it with my own eyes.” I say as I stroke Ezra into a frenzy. The tip beads moisture for me and I use it to tease him even more. Ezra’s harsh panting is turning me on like mad.

“I want you to make love to our wife
for me, please.” I purr into Ezra’s ear. My hand slips between Kitten’s thighs, and she is slick in anticipation, positively drenched. Her flesh is ripe, hot, wet, and swollen. “Kitten is ready for you, Ez. Show her that you own her. Prove it’s you and me, not that seductive fucker next-door. Show Katya who her
boss
is,” I laugh out, twisting the word boss, relentlessly teasing Ezra about his pathetic stalking attempts.