Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (53 page)

The Hairy Buffalo

The other night a friend offered to buy me a drink called a Hairy Buffalo. He said no two are alike. I was skeptical. Have you ever heard of it?—S.O., Midwest City, Oklahoma

Some friend. A Hairy Buffalo (or Gorilla Tongue or Buffalo Sweat) is the spillage caught in the rubber mat along the edge of the bar. Not surprisingly, it’s served at no charge.

Decoding cognac

What are the differences among VS, VSOP and XO cognacs?—J.S., Fresno, California

The higher the grade of cognac, the older the blend; the more flavor and color it absorbs from the oak barrel, the smoother it tastes. Although French law sets minimum standards for the aging required in each grade, the four major cognac houses raise the bar. In general, the cognacs used to create Very Special blend have been aged an average of five years, those used for Very Superior Old Pale 10 to 12 years, Napoleon 20 to 25 years, Extra Old 35 to 40 years and premium brands such as Hennessy’s Paradis 55 to 60 years.

Hangover cures

The Advisor once wrote that “the best hangover treatment is to know your limits.” You also mentioned one of the 50-odd products that claim to cure hangovers. As part of my medical school coursework, I read everything scientists know about hangovers and also tested products with my friends. One 2004 study intrigued me. It found that an extract from the skin of the prickly pear (
Opuntia ficus indica
) helps reduce inflammation caused by impurities in booze or mixers. With funding from the makers of an herbal pill that contains the extract, Dr. Jeffrey Wiese of Tulane University recruited 55 medical students for two experiments. Each was given the extract or a placebo five hours before drinking. Wiese found it helped reduce three of nine common morning-after symptoms (including nausea, dry mouth and loss of appetite) and that the risk of severe hangover was reduced by half.—J.R., Morgantown, West Virginia

The three main factors that contribute to hangover, Wiese tells us, are dehydration, a lack of deep sleep and mild poisoning of the body from the impurities you mentioned. So one common method to lessen the severity of a hangover is to consume a glass of water between each drink and to limit yourself to one beer, one shot or one glass of wine per hour, which is about the rate the body can absorb it. To consume fewer impurities, drink white wine instead of red, and vodka or gin instead of rum or whiskey. It helps as well to stick with better-quality liquors. Studies also have found that aspirin and ibuprofen provide only slight relief, which is probably offset by their effect on an already irritated stomach. As for the many products out there, it’s safe to say that if you need a supply of hangover pills, you drink too much, too often.

What’s the deal with duty free?

What’s the deal with duty-free shops at airports? I’ve never found the booze prices enticing. Is there some other advantage to shopping at them?—N.R., Miami, Florida

A lot depends on where you are and what you’re buying. If you’re flying home from Portugal, for example, you won’t find better values on ports. Besides savings, duty-free shops offer two advantages: (1) Distilleries use them for market tests, so you can buy products that aren’t available at liquor stores (be careful—sometimes only the packaging is different); and (2) the alcohol content can be higher in duty-free booze, which may improve taste. A common misconception is that duty-free means the consumer doesn’t pay tax. In fact, with some exceptions, travelers entering the U.S. are allowed to bring in only one liter of booze tax-free, no matter where it was purchased.

Is vodka only made from potatoes?

I recently saw a vodka made from grapes. I thought all vodkas were distilled from grain or potatoes. What makes vodka vodka?—K.B., Leavenworth, Kansas

Vodka is defined more by what it isn’t than by what it is. Other alcohols are classified according to the ingredients used to make them and sometimes the place they were made. You need fruit to make brandy, sugarcane to make rum, barley to make scotch, corn to make bourbon and blue agave to make tequila. Scotch is from Scotland, bourbon from Kentucky and tequila from Mexico. But vodka can be made anywhere on earth, using any distillation process, from any raw material that ferments. It has been produced using beets, potatoes, sugar, rice, rye, wheat, barley, molasses, fruit, whey, corn, flour, soy and rutabagas—each ingredient is said to produce a distinct smell, flavor, aftertaste and burn. Ciroc (ciroc.com) distills the grape vodka you saw, Vermont Spirits (vermontspirits.com) has a vodka made from maple sap and another from milk sugar, and a Russian distributor says its Cannabis brand is created with hemp seeds.

Can you bruise gin?

My understanding is that you should never shake a gin martini because you can bruise the gin. Yet all the bartenders want to shake my martini. When I ask for it to be stirred, invariably I hear, “Ah, like James Bond.” But he drank vodka martinis, which need to be shaken. Am I wrong?—L.M., Austin, Texas

You can’t bruise gin. The difference between shaken and stirred is that shaken will be colder and cloudier. The preferred method is whichever method you prefer, though a recent study found that shaken martinis have “superior antioxidant activity.” Bond’s standard was three measures of Gordon’s, one of grain vodka and half a measure of Kina Lillet, shaken until ice cold, and served in a deep champagne goblet with a large, thin slice of lemon peel.

How much wine do I need?

I’m having a dinner party for eight friends. How much wine should I buy?—J.J., New Orleans, Louisiana

You should always have enough wine on hand, rather than buying on the fly before each party, so stock up. If you love wine as we do, you can never have enough vintages or bottles for your own enjoyment. You cheat yourself by not buying the best wines when they’re ready for you, rather than when you’re ready for them. People drink less these days, and of your eight guests, two may not partake, so open two reds and a white and go from there. As you know, the traditional service is champagne with hors d’oeuvres, dry white with fish, Bordeaux with the main course, burgundy with the cheese and port or cognac with dessert.

Is it necessary to “prime” the glass?

I was in New York with friends recently, and we ordered wine. The sommelier showed us the bottle, then stepped to the sideboard to pour a sample. He offered me the sample, I approved and then he brought the three other glasses. They each had a light residue on them, as if they were dirty. When I asked about it, he said he had primed them with a small amount of the wine, poured from one glass to the next and then thrown out, because it allows the bouquet an early start. Have you ever heard of this?—H.R., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

We’ve seen it done. The explanation we got was that it ensured that whatever contaminants might have been in the glasses, such as soap residue, had been vanquished. Does it do any harm? No. Is it fun? Sure. Should you tip more for it? Forget it.

Should I smell the cork?

What are you supposed to do when a waiter hands you the cork from a bottle of wine? I’ve seen people sniff it, but what do they smell that prompts them to send the wine back? Until I figure this out, I’ll just keep nodding and smiling as if I know what I’m doing.—K.A., Omaha, Nebraska

The smell of the cork is a good early warning if something is dramatically wrong. At its best, the cork can yield an attractive preview of the condition and quality. If the cork is dry and cracked, air may have oxidized the wine. A damaged cork may also indicate biotic problems. Before you reject a bottle by its cork, check the bouquet of the wine.

What are those white crystals?

My wife and I bought a case of Spanish wine from the Toro region, dated 1997. We found the bouquet and flavor had improved 24 hours after we uncorked it. However, white crystals formed on the wet end of each cork. What were they?—G.H., South Padre Island, Texas

The crystals, sometimes called wine diamonds, are potassium acid tartrates. Grapes grown in cooler climates are higher in tartaric acids, and during the fermentation process the acids crystallize in the vats. Because some wineries take extra steps to remove tartrates, many people take the appearance of diamonds as a sign that the wine has not been overly processed. Tartrates are tasteless and have no effect on the wine.

Foil over the cork

My opinion has always been that a lead foil over the cork gives wine a sense of quality. Over the past few years, I’ve seen more wineries using a plastic disc. Occasionally they are thin enough to pierce with a corkscrew, but more often they seem to be put in place by someone who caps oil wells for a living. What’s the best way to remove the thicker plastic discs without chipping the rim of the bottle?—L.M., Mississauga, Ontario

Score around the edge with a lead-foil cutter or small knife. We’re always glad to find a bottle that has the newer flange rim and beeswax seal introduced by the Robert Mondavi Winery. It’s easy to push a corkscrew through the wax, and the bottles are elegant and appealing. Lead symbolizes tradition more than quality. Originally, lead foils kept dirt and rats away from the corks of bottles stored in cellars. These days most wines are opened within a few years of being bottled. Lead foils can contaminate wine, especially older bottles improperly stored on their sides instead of angled slightly upward. The wine makes its way around the cork to the groove at the edge of the rim, where its acids eat away at the foil. When you pour the wine into a glass, it passes over this groove and picks up traces of lead. British researchers who analyzed a bottle of red wine found that the wine itself had an acceptable level of lead (57 parts per billion). But the first glass poured over the rim had almost six times that amount (320 parts per billion). Even after the rim was wiped with a cloth, the reading was 250 parts per billion.

My wife and I went to a dinner party where the hosts served wine with screw tops. We laughed at first, but the wines were very good. Have you ever heard of this?—M.Z., Manasquan, New Jersey

Although many people can’t get past the idea of a screw top on an expensive bottle, it has advantages. Of every 100 bottles, seven or eight may spoil because defective or decaying corks allow oxygen or bacteria to leak in, giving the wine a wet-cardboard smell. One culprit in the process is the chlorine used to bleach corks. Screw tops first started appearing on Australian and New Zealand wines in the late 1990s. A few European and U.S. producers are now experimenting with them, including PlumpJack, which offers its $145 Reserve cabernet sauvignon with a screw top, starting with the 1997 vintage. Some sommeliers argue that screw tops rob the art of opening wine of its romance and may not be ideal for cellared bottles. But many also expect they’ll eventually be commonplace. Lisa Minucci, sommelier at the Martini House in Napa Valley, has seven white and two red screw tops on her wine list, including a 2000 zinfandel from Downing Family Vineyards in Napa, a 2001 pinot blanc from Oregon’s WillaKenzie Estate and a 2002 Riesling from Annie’s Lane in Australia. She also recommends Beringer Blass’s Two Tone Farm chardonnay and merlot.

How long will opened port last?

How long will a bottle of port last once it has been opened?—P.L., Hartford, Connecticut

Generally, if you’re drinking an aged tawny or a late-bottled vintage port, and it has a T-shaped bartender’s cork, it will last three or four weeks. If it has a regular cork—for example, if it’s a single quinta or vintage port—it will last only a few days. In the English tradition, this is rarely a problem, because ports are typically decanted into round-bottomed bottles. That way they can’t be set down until the bottles are empty.

How are vintage timetables made?

I’ve heard about charts that indicate when you should open a specific vintage wine. Who determines the timetables and how?—R.F., Phoenix, Arizona

The charts are formulated to say: Here’s what we think wines of a particular region in a particular vintage year will be like, based on general characteristics of that region’s vintage as a whole. In her book
Vintage Timecharts
, Jancis Robinson notes that any answer to the question of when to open a particular bottle must be “couched in conditionals—if the wine has been shipped and stored correctly, if your taste is more English than French, if you plan to drink the wine with food and at the right temperature and so on. One further frustrating aspect is that, in a sense, one never knows for sure when a wine has reached its peak until that peak is past and the wine begins to show signs of decline.” Despite these caveats, Robinson provides colorful, controversial graphs that chart the evolution of classic wines over time. Her precision is the subject of heated arguments best settled over a good bottle of wine—properly aged, of course.

Any way to tell if wine is spoiled?