Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (56 page)

The best way to throw darts

Is there a proper way to throw darts? I just started playing, and I’ve received conflicting advice. Presently I throw pretty consistently—half into the board and half into the wall.—R.B., Muskogee, Oklahoma

Throw sober. That’s our first rule. We asked Rick Osgood, editor of Cyber Darts (cyberdarts.com), for more-specific pointers. “There are two fundamentals in any target sport: stance and follow-through,” he says. “Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and parallel to the line. Turn the shoulder of your throwing arm to face the board. Raise the dart to eye level. Keep it level as you fully extend your arm and ‘place’ the dart on the board. Don’t throw the dart; guide it to the target. That will force you to follow through.” A common mistake is leaning forward, which shortens the distance to the board but puts you off balance. Finally, you should never lunge. You don’t need power to throw darts. Cyber Darts offers more guidance, as well as a handy list of excuses for bad throws, including “my hand hit the brim of my cap,” “a fly landed on my tip,” “bar noise impaired my peripheral hearing” and the classic “I was distracted by my partner’s breasts.”

His hands are deadly weapons

A loudmouth at the corner bar says his hands and feet are registered as lethal weapons. He claims he’s a black belt in karate and that martial artists and boxers are required to register with the police. We’ve been telling him he’s full of it, but he insists. Can you register your hands as weapons?—P.C., Jamesville, New York

No, that’s bunk. Anyone can claim his hands are lethal weapons, but no statute anywhere in North America requires registration. Unless he’s been convicted of killing someone with his bare hands, which we suppose is a form of legal recognition, it’s just a lame boast. Most laws specify that only an object can be considered a deadly weapon, although that could conceivably include your shoe if you were to kick someone hard enough. That’s not to say body parts can’t be weapons; in one case a jury convicted an HIV-positive inmate of assault with a deadly weapon for biting two guards. Legally, a person’s experience as a boxer or martial artist may work against him if he seriously injures someone—the prosecutor could argue that someone with training should know when to stop.

STDs

Let’s be careful out there.

Can you get an STD from panties?

Over the past year I have bought several pairs of used panties offered by women at an online auction site. The panties are vacuum sealed and shipped through UPS. Are there any health risks? I’m most concerned about the more durable diseases such as chlamydia and genital warts.—G.H., Laramie, Wyoming

It’s possible you could catch a sexually transmitted disease from a pair of days-old panties, but not probable. According to Dr. Peter Leone, a professor of infectious diseases at the University of North Carolina, the most likely STD to survive would be genital warts (there are concerns that warts can be passed via sex toys that aren’t sterilized between users). But in this case, you would have to rub the fabric against a skin abrasion to have even a remote chance of infection. A more realistic concern would be intestinal illnesses such as E. coli, especially if you touch the panties to your lips. We suggest you microwave your purchases.

According to
The Doctor’s Book of Home Remedies
, in 1989 a woman in Idaho called the fire department because of smoke in her attic. She had been zapping her nylon panties to battle a yeast infection. The book suggests instead boiling the panties, soaking them in bleach or touching them with a hot iron.—S.L., San Francisco, California

Poison ivy

My girlfriend claims that an old boyfriend once gave her poison ivy while they were having sex, before he had any symptoms. Can this really happen?—D.B., Dallas, Texas

Why not? Many men who get poison ivy inadvertently spread it to their genitals when they hold their penis to urinate, and from there it can spread just about anywhere. One physician who misdiagnosed a patient’s burning, swelling lips as herpes or an allergic reaction later discovered that she’d gotten poison ivy when she gave her boyfriend a blow job after he’d been hunting. She spent the next few weeks battling a rash and blisters on her lips. His case was more severe.

Hepatitis C

I have hepatitis C. Before my fiancée and I broke up, we decided not to use condoms, and she tested negative several times. Now that I’ve started to date again, I’m wondering what to tell new partners. My doctor says I need to use condoms only for anal sex or sex during her period. I intend to use condoms with anyone I meet until we are monogamous, but I don’t want to bring it up too early and scare women off. What do you think?—R.S., Atlanta, Georgia

You should discuss this with any woman before you sleep with her. Tell her you want her to know, even though it’s extremely difficult to spread the virus during sex, particularly if you use a condom. Unlike HIV, which is present in blood, semen and other bodily fluids, hepatitis C can be shared only by blood contact. Nearly all of the 3.9 million Americans who are infected acquired the disease through transfusions or by sharing needles. The virus is scary because most people who acquire it develop chronic liver disease.

Herpes

I recently met a girl, and we hit it off. We were about to have sex for the first time when she told me she has herpes. She wasn’t having an outbreak, so we used a condom and had oral and vaginal sex. I know this didn’t protect me 100 percent, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I don’t want to get herpes, but I like this girl. I don’t want a long-term relationship, but it’s fun for the moment. Is it worth the risk?—A.D., San Mateo, California

It may be riskier than you realize. Genital herpes spreads through skin-to-skin contact, but the virus can be transmitted even when no symptoms are present. A condom is essential but doesn’t cover every area that can hold the virus. That’s partly why genital herpes is so common—after a study of blood samples, researchers estimated that 80 percent of people with herpes worldwide don’t realize they have it. The prescription drug Valtrex, used to suppress outbreaks, has been shown also to reduce by 50 percent the risk of transmitting herpes to a partner. That’s something to discuss. If you have other questions, the American Social Health Association operates a herpes hotline at 919-361-8488. To her credit, your lover told you about her STD before you had sex, and let you make your own decision. That should earn many points with you.

Can you get herpes if someone who has a cold sore gives you head?—O.D., Cincinnati, Ohio

Yes. The strain of herpes that causes cold sores has also been identified as the root of 20 percent to 30 percent of genital herpes cases, suggesting these viruses were contracted through oral sex. The good news, if you can call it that, is: Research indicates that genital herpes contracted through oral sex reactivates far less often (if ever) than herpes spread through intercourse. While not every fever blister or canker sore is a sign of herpes, hold off on oral sex until it heals. Open sores or cuts in the mouth also can be a route for HIV.

Will I get AIDS?

What are the odds that a person will get HIV?—R.T., Boston, Massachusetts

We could give you numbers, but they wouldn’t mean much. As one HIV expert pointed out in an online discussion group, “The risk of transmission is not like the risk of losing at the races. Because you can’t recoup the loss represented by infection, you can’t think of the odds in the same way.” Instead, let’s talk about high-risk activities. The people most at risk of acquiring HIV are those who have unprotected anal sex with an infected person, and people who share a needle with an infected person while injecting drugs. In the U.S., those two groups account for the majority of infections among men. Among American women, 75 percent of new infections are attributed to vaginal sex. Scientists believe the first row of cells in the vagina are HIV-resistant, but that the virus makes it way past them through small abrasions and cuts, which can be caused by lack of lubrication or other STDs. Since it’s impossible to tell if a partner has HIV (people don’t always know for months after they are infected), even if you’ve been together a long time (people cheat), you have to make certain uncomfortable assumptions. At the same time, no one wants to have sex with plastic for the rest of their life, and people take what they consider acceptable risks.

A recent
Scientific American
article stated that one of the reasons for the high rate of HIV infections in Africa is that the men prefer “dry” sex. Am I missing something? I have been married for 25 years, and wetter has always been better.—J.M., Newtown, Connecticut

We’re sure your wife agrees. Many men in sub-Saharan Africa demand dry sex because it increases friction and because wetness is considered a sign of a woman’s infidelity. The women comply because they don’t have the status to refuse. They dry themselves with soap and water, detergent, toothpaste, salt, cotton, shredded newspapers, baboon urine mixed with soil or inflammatory herbs that also make the vagina tighter. Then they suffer through intercourse. Not only is dry sex painful, it causes tears or abrasions in the vaginal walls, giving HIV a route into the body. Dry sex also does a condom no favors. These are important lessons for anyone who hopes to avoid HIV or any blood-borne disease, such as hepatitis. But in Africa, where many men believe a woman’s role in sex is only to provide pleasure and/or children, ignorance is killing millions of wives, sisters and mothers. It’s a sad, vicious circle: The women find sex painful and avoid it, so the men visit prostitutes and take mistresses, justifying their behavior by explaining that their wives are nonresponsive. The disease also is spreading because of low condom use, the high rates of other STDs and fallacies such as the belief that deflowering 100 virgins will rid you of HIV.

Genital warts

I’m amazed that no one has been able to find a simple, inexpensive cure for genital warts. I’ve tried to have them burned off at clinics. I’ve considered an operation, though I was told it wouldn’t cure them. I’ve been to a dermatologist, who told me he might be able to get rid of the problem for a couple thousand bucks. I haven’t had sex in three years because I’m afraid I’ll infect someone. Can you help?—C.D., Cincinnati, Ohio

We can’t offer a cure—there isn’t one. But genital warts, which are caused by the human papillomavirus, can be managed. In many cases they don’t return after treatment. In others they reappear with less severity for a few years, then disappear as your immune system gets the upper hand. The most common topical medications are a solution containing podophyllin (which must be applied by a health care provider), imiquimod cream and a podofilox solution or gel. Removing the warts doesn’t eliminate the risk of infecting someone else, because the virus may remain. Condoms or other barriers help if they cover the infected area. You’re not alone on this one: Researchers estimate that 75 percent of Americans who have sex have been exposed to HPV, though only about one percent develop symptoms. HPV spreads so quickly that researchers have turned their attention to treating warts rather than preventing them. The type of warts you get on other parts of your body, such as your hands, are caused by a different virus that does not appear to be transferable to or from the genitals.

I have been dating a girl for two months. Early in the relationship she told me she has HPV-16, one of the types linked to cervical cancer. We haven’t had sex, and I don’t know if I’m willing to get this virus just to be with her. Am I being an asshole? What are my chances of getting a vaccination?—J.J., Mobile, Alabama

How long can you hold out? Vaccines that prevent specific types of HPV, including HPV-16, are being developed, although their efficacy in men is still being tested. They’re also most effective on virgins; most sexually active adults have already been infected with HPV but are unaware because they’ve never had warts. For most people HPV is not cause enough to abandon a relationship—if you want out for other reasons, don’t blame the virus. Besides warts, which can be treated or removed, the primary risk is that HPV-16 and about a dozen other strains have been linked to cervical and penile cancer. Both are rare in North America, the latter in part because many men here are circumcised, which reduces the risk to nearly zero. But that’s not true of many other places in the world, where these cancers are more prevalent. That’s why a vaccine is so vital. Unbelievably, some conservative religious groups oppose the development of HPV vaccines, saying they will encourage teenagers to have sex before marriage.