Finding Home (23 page)

I place my hand over hers and hold it in place. Her touch is so healing to me and I don’t think she realizes it. “You and your touch renew me.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” She smiles at me and casts her eyes downward. “I’m glad you trusted me with your story. Can you trust me with your heart?” She lifts her eyes to meet my gaze. “Because I’m going to try like hell to trust you with mine.”

“I don’t know how I got so lucky to be here with you. You answering that phone two years ago is pure luck. Ever since that day, I think of you often. Your voice is one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard. The gentle hum of it replaced the strangled breaths of Beth’s. It still does.”

Looking up into her moist eyes I pull her close to me. Our arms hug each other with a fierceness that’s getting rid of every loose fragment of damage. We’re expelling each and every bad memory and all the shit that’s fucked us up. “I don’t want to let you go. Can we stay like this for a little while longer?” Her head nods on my shoulder as she sinks deeper into our embrace.

“You feel incredible in my arms. I never thought much about guardian angels, but I think you’ve been sent just for me. Your arms wrapping around me make everything go away.”

Sam’s arms grip me with even more vigor. I feel her breath and lips tickle my ear as she turns her head into the crook of my neck. Feather light kisses touch my neck and earlobe as she whispers; “You’re wrong Ben; you’re my angel. You make me believe that love can exist.” Her head pulls back but her arms stay firmly in place. “Your voice brought light into my life when all I could see was darkness. When I’m all alone, it’s your voice that I hear when I drift off to sleep at night.”

I turn and press my lips onto hers tenderly and hold them there for several seconds before breaking away. We stay holding each other well into the night. Finally, her breaths change and I realize she’s fallen asleep on my shoulder. I gently shift her body close and place one arm underneath her legs to pick her up. She stirs slightly and turns her head into the curve of my neck and inhales deeply. “Mmm, you smell so good.”

I hold her against me as I chuckle, “Oh yeah? It’s a combination of sweat, wine, and you.”

Sighing she lifts her head with her eyes still closed. “How is it you know to say the exact thing a woman likes to hear?”

“I don’t know about that. I guess you bring it out of me.”

We get into the car, and I buckle her up. I fight off the images of the accident and instead focus on Sam. I listen to her steady breaths and watch her sleep. She hypnotizes me. I’m captivated by her heart, beauty and soul. Her capacity to let me in is remarkable and humbling especially when I don’t think I deserve it. Home has to feel a lot like this because I can’t imagine living anywhere else.

I vaguely remember the car coming to a stop. His nose gently nudges me to wake up. I gingerly open my eyes, meeting his stare in the faintness of the dashboard lights. “Hey sleepyhead, we’re home. Time to wake up. Last time we went out I didn’t do a proper good night so I’d really like to make this right.” He turns off the ignition and makes his way around to my side.

I blink several times, trying to wake my body up, while I laugh at his sincerity. “You’re really taking this redo seriously. Are you always this passionate about things?”

“Things? Sometimes. It depends on what it is. Now, if we’re talking about people who I care about, then that’s a definite yes.” He takes my hand firmly in his. “I’m extremely passionate when it comes to what and who’s mine.”

Holy shit—I’m seriously turned on now.
He didn’t just go alpha male on me, did he?
“Well, aren’t you Mr. Alpha Male right now?” I let his hand go and link it into the crook of his arm as we walk to the door. He laughs in that cocky way that’s so sexy to me.

“I’m only alpha male when I need to be.”

“Oh, and when’s that?” I stop at the door waiting for an answer.

“Well, let’s see. I’m fiercely protective of my friends and family when I need to be. I don’t take any crap in business and can make tough decisions.” He pauses again looking up as if he’s thinking. “Oh, and we can’t forget rugby. When I’m on the field, I don’t take shit from anybody. I protect my teammates from the ones who think they can fuck with us.”

“Um, wow. I got to say I like this side of you, Ben.” He takes both of his hands and places them on my cheeks.

“And you. I can’t forget you. When it comes to us, I’m willing to have all of you when the time is right. We won’t hold back until we give ourselves over completely. And the pleasure that we’ll give to each other will break us until we can’t move or speak.”
Holy shit! Panties are drenched
. I know I should say something, but I’m actually speechless. If he can talk and act so intensely and intimately, then I can only imagine what he’ll bring to the bedroom.

“Are you going to say anything, or do you want me to kiss you now?” I nod my head vigorously as he crashes into my lips. I thought his other kisses were perfection, but this one takes it to a whole other level. He pries open my mouth and plunges his tongue in. His tongue moves frantically as it searches for a connection. He breaks away to nibble my bottom lip and lick across it. It’s the perfect imitation of the move I made on him. I look at him, and he knows what he’s done. He chuckles and dives in for more.

This time I let my hands roam down his chest, and I can feel each and every ripple of his abs straight down to what I’m sure is the perfect V. His breath hitches as he lets out a moan, while my fingers lift up his shirt to trace along his waistline.

Leaving my lips, he explores my neck—nibbling and sucking a burning trail that ignites cravings I’ve long ignored. He continues his torturous path while pulling my shirt off my shoulder. I can feel his hands leave my face and move slowly and methodically down my back. Pausing at my lower back, he dips his hands into my back short pockets and squeezes. His hands send a surge of electricity to my core, and the moan I let out does nothing to ease my ache.

I’m losing all sense of control, and my rational thoughts are slipping away. He breaks our kiss just as my shaking hands tug on his belt with the need to feel more of him. Ben grabs my hands and brings them to rest on his chest while trying to catch his breath. His forehead rests on mine.

“Oh God, Sam, we better stop. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s been too fucking long. I forget how good it feels—how good
you
feel.”

My whole body is on fire, and I’m sure the color of my skin matches it. Taking several deep breaths, I try to control and tame my inner beast from unleashing on him here on the porch.

“Ah … yeah … it’s okay. I want it, too.” Visions of my body on top of his cloud the words I try to get out. I grab his shirt collar with my fists hoping that will stop them from roaming back down.

“Ben, I have to be blunt here, but this is a surprise. This is a big change from what we’ve talked about. I mean … don’t get me wrong, I love this, but you were so upset earlier. I guess I didn’t expect this sudden ferocious male thing you’ve got going on.” I lessen my grip as my control comes back. “Oh God, am I making any sense?”

He takes my hands and kisses my fingertips with tenderness. “You do make sense. Something’s been shifting since you arrived, and tonight is the tipping point. I’m letting my inner demons go. I’m letting you in. Telling you about Beth was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but in a strange way it helped me. I think saying it out loud gave me some closure.” He kisses my forehead softly, lingering for a few seconds. “Plus, you looked so damn sexy sleeping in my car that I just couldn’t resist you any longer.” And there goes the wink.

I smack him on the shoulder playfully. “So you think telling me everything let some of your hurt go? Do you feel more comfortable exploring this side of us?”

He shakes his head up and down and smiles a sexy grin that drives my horniness factor up another notch. “You said that so much better than I did.” I can’t resist giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

“I don’t know about that, but I just like getting to know all of you. I like this side of Ben, but the sweet side is great, too.”

His lips find my cheek then move to my earlobe while he murmurs softly, “Like I said, this side of me only comes out in certain situations. Right now is definitely one of them.” He moves down to my neck placing feathery light kisses, and my body starts to shudder for a second time. He shifts his head up and stares me in the eyes. “This is me—all of me. I hope I get to see all of you sometime soon.”

I laugh at his statement. “You do realize I could totally turn that into something sexual, right?”

“I know, I know. The second it came out of my mouth I knew you would pounce on that. But seriously, I would like to hear more about you … and soon. I want you to try and let go of your past, too. I want us to take the next step together.” His hands come to rest on my neck as I contemplate what he’s saying. “And I really think I’m ready to take the next step.”

I know what he’s asking, and it’s time. “Okay. It’s my turn to talk. How about tomorrow night?”

He brushes the hair off my face delicately and tucks it behind my ear. “Babe, it’s already tomorrow night. So how about dinner at my place tonight?”

“Perfect. I’ll bring dessert and so much sharing your ears will burn.”

He laughs and kisses me again. This one is filled with sweetness and innocence. My other Ben has emerged, and it’s just as sexy. “Goodnight, sweet Sam. Dream of me.”

“FYI, I really love your winks. They make me a little crazy.” I move away from him and head to the door. “Oh, and for the record, I will dream of you tonight, right after Bob makes an appearance.” I wink back at him and open the door to go inside.
Take that! Let him dream of me!

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back into him. I can feel his hardness as he presses into me—my back to his front. “Now that’s not playing fair, Sam. How can I sleep thinking of you touching yourself?”

I turn my head so my mouth grazes his lips while pressing into his growing hardness. “Well, it feels like both of us will be busy tonight.” I wiggle my hips slightly as I press into him. He rewards me with the moan I love to hear. “I love that I can make you moan. When you grab a hold of yourself tonight, think of me rubbing myself and moaning, too.”

He growls in my ear, and the animalistic sound turns me on even more. I press back into him with even more force. His moans sound desperate with each movement of my hips. I know I have him where I want him. “And Ben, just as we explode from pleasure, it will be each other’s names we scream.” He quickly grabs my shoulders and whips me around, pushing me against the door. He presses his hardness into my core now. I wait for him to do more, but he only rakes his eyes over my body.

“Sam, you’re so fucking incredible.” He lowers his mouth to mine and licks my lips. He let’s go of my shoulders and pulls away from me. His hands go to his head as he rubs his hair in different directions. He takes my cheeks into his hands and cups them with a sense of urgency. I can see madness in his eyes. “Tonight, Sam. We talk tonight. You will tell me everything, and then I get to touch you.”

I can only nod my head because if he presses into me one more time, I might explode on the front porch. With a shaky breath, I manage to articulate one word, “Tonight.” Then I slam the door shut. I run up the stairs two at a time and close the door. I make quick work of removing my clothes and immediately get down to business. Within moments I’m screaming his name. Just like I told him I would.

The next morning I feel refreshed and ready for a new day and a new chapter in my life. I plan to share everything about Nathan with Ben and how my past relationships have fucked with my head.

There’s a light tapping on my door before Jenny bursts in. “I’m surprised you knocked this time.”

“Fuck off.” She jumps on the bed and climbs under the covers with me. “God, I hope you have clothes on.”

“Screw you. That was one time, and it’s because we were in the middle of a freaking heat wave. It was like a thousand degrees in my room.”