Finding Home (25 page)

My curiosity is really piqued. “So, can I ask what’s in the bag?” Her body shifts away from me while she reaches over for it. I observe her change in breathing, and her hands shake as she hands me the bag.

“When I was unpacking I found some things that belong to you. I thought you might want them.” The way her body’s acting, I’m pretty sure I know what’s in there. In fact, if it’s what I think it is, I don’t want anything to disturb our night. I’ll deal with it in the morning. Tonight is about us, not my past that’s lurking in that bag.

“Well, I can look at it later. I’m sure there’s nothing too important inside.” The look of relief on her face is evident.

“Well, yeah, I guess you can check it out later.”

As her body moves closer, she helps erase my mind of the bag’s contents. Her closeness stirs a happiness within me so great that I need to tell her before I get too tangled up with my yesterdays. “Thanks for tonight and for the past few weeks. I’m beginning to remember what happiness is. I want you to understand that you’re bringing that back to my life. The man before you is slowly coming back, and it’s because of you.”

A small tear forms at the corner of her eye, and I brush my thumb over it. My lips kiss her temple and moves across her forehead. I stop and rest my forehead against hers. We sit in silence not feeling the need to speak. We let our bodies talk as our radiating heat spreads quickly and hungrily. All I want to do is touch her, but there are things that need to be said before I can go any further. It’s time to up the stakes.

“Hey, I have an idea. I know you love a good challenge, so how about a game like twenty questions?” Her eyes light up, and it makes me happy to know I did that.

“Oh, I love games! Instead of that one how about some good old fashioned truth or dare?”

“Truth or dare? Are you kidding me right now? What are we, like, eleven?” Her smile is devilish, and I like it. “I’m not going to get sucked into some stupid dare like run around the barn naked!”

“Hmm. You came up with that pretty fast. Has that happened in the past?” She laughs loudly and swats my shoulder. “Oh, come on, it will be fun! I’ll even let you go first!” Then she throws in my signature wink.

“Fine! How can I say no to you?”

“Ha! You can’t.”

“Okay, Sam. Truth or Dare?

“Truth.”

“When was the first time you had sex?

“Easy one. I was sixteen, and I lost it to my high school boyfriend, Matt. It wasn’t that great, and I found out later that he cheated on me with my best friend at the time.”

“Ouch! That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. He had pushed and pushed me for six months! He told me he loved me and that we would be together forever. I guess at that age you believe in the fairy tales and the bullshit lines. So I cashed in my V-card, and two weeks later he dumped me. It turns out he’d been secretly dating my so-called friend at the same time. So there’s boyfriend cheater number one!” She holds up the number one before clapping her hands together. “My turn! Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

“Okay. So you asked me … now I get to ask you. Who did you lose your V-card to?”

“Okay, I was fifteen, and I lost it to Jack’s sister. She was older and home from college. I had a major crush on her. Jack and I had been drunk, and he was passed out on the couch.”

“Oh God, this is so cliché. But please go on!”

“I don’t know. She just came into Jack’s room and sat on my bed. The next thing I know, she’s on top of me, naked, and I’m like a fumbling idiot trying to figure out how to get the condom on. It was over too quick, and she just kind of laughed, kissed me goodnight, and left.”

“No shit! Does Jack know?”

“I told him years later. He was pissed at first, but he got over it quickly. She kind of slept around a lot. She’s married now and has two kids. They live in Seattle, so I hardly ever run into her anymore.” She laughs it off, and I decide to ask her what I really want to know.

“Sam, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Tell me what happened with Nathan. Why did he break your heart?”

“Way to go in for the kill, Ben. I’m not sure where to start.” I scratch my forehead and pull my fingers through my hair before continuing. I’m shocked by the sudden change of topic, but I knew it had to come eventually.

I move to the couch, hoping distance will provide me with some clarity. Being this close to him while telling him how Nathan fucked me up is a bit much. But being sweet Ben, he follows me anyway. “I guess I just thought he was the one. It started off great, but after a while things changed. We stopped spending as much time together. He always had some excuse, and I just accepted them.” I cross my legs onto the couch and lean back.

“Sex was practically non-existent at the end, and when I did touch him he would push me away or make some snide comment. I started to believe something was wrong with me.” Laughing nervously, I continue. “I tried some crazy stuff.” My fingers imitate marking off my checklist. “I walked around naked, waxed myself bare, and bought sexy lingerie. I even tried reading some sexy excerpts from books to him. He just never seemed into it or into me anymore. Literally.” My subtle joke does nothing to ease my anxiety.

“When we did have sex it felt like some kind of chore.” I can feel tears forming behind my eyes, and I try like crazy to stop them. His body moves close to me, and his hand soothingly brushes across my arm.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anymore. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, he’s an asshole.”

I let out a slight chuckle as I wipe some tears away. “He’s not worth my tears, but I need to get this out. I want that last wall down.” My body leans into him feeling that imaginary pull he has. “So like I said, I tried a lot of different things. The last attempt was way out of my comfort zone but I thought I would just go for it.” I point my finger at him to emphasize my next point. “Don’t laugh, even though it’s kind of funny.”

“Okay, I’ll try my best.”

“So I bought this whole leather bodice thing with black lace panties and picked out one of those flogger things.” Pausing to gauge his reaction, I notice his look appears serious, so I keep going. While I felt ridiculous, I wanted to save our relationship, so I did what I had to, and I owned it. I turn my head away hoping the painful memory won’t show on my face. “When I walked into the bedroom, he looked at me and just … laughed. I thought he was teasing at first, but when he gawked at me, I knew how he really felt.”
God damn it with the tears
.

“Well, that did wonders for my already fragile self-esteem. I had been going for slutty sex goddess, but was reduced to a peon in a matter of seconds. The way he looked and reacted to me made me feel like a twelve year old girl playing dress up.” The tears flow freely now as I feel Ben’s hand on my knee.

“I’m sorry, Sam.” He pulls my body into his and holds me. The tears that I desperately didn’t want to shed begin to ease up. With Ben’s arms around me I know I’m not going to waste my tears on Nathan anymore.

Ben lifts my chin so that I can look at him, and he smiles. “It probably doesn’t make a difference, but I’m really sorry, and for what it’s worth, you would look hot in leather. If you ever wore that for me, I would surely blow on the spot.” His body shifts so that we’re practically on top of each other. “Imagining you in leather and wanting to be spanked is more than I can handle.” His eyes go wide as he grabs my face with his hands. The heat coming off his body ignites my inner desire. “But know this, Sam. Right here, right now, you are all I want. You’re so God damn sexy. You don’t need anything to turn me on. Just being this close to you, I’m getting hard.”

Words fail me as my only focus is on this loving man who can woo me and tempt me with his words and touch. He removes his hands while I wait in agony for him to kiss me.

“Truth or dare, Sam.”

“Hey, it’s my turn.” I playfully spank his ass.

“I’ll ask again, Sam. Truth or dare.” The heat in his eyes tells me there’s only one acceptable answer, but I decide to tease him.

“Fine, but I get two turns next time.” The glare he shoots is like a dagger. “Dare!” I yell while I push off him.

“I dare you to kiss me. Right. Fucking. Now.”

My fists move up to curl into his shirt, holding on tightly. My mouth presses hard against his lips, but I won’t let his tongue gain entrance. I push him back forcefully, staring deep into his eyes. I lie back onto the couch and adjust my legs—an open invitation for his body to occupy the space between them. One hand stretches out above my head. Raising one eyebrow, I bite my lip to tempt him with one more round.”Truth or dare, Ben?”

“Truth.” His voice is ragged and barely above a whisper.

“What do you want to do to me right now?” His eyes roam up and down like I’m fucking candy he wants a taste of.

“I want to climb on top of you and slide my tongue into your pretty little mouth. Then I want to touch and explore every inch of you.”
Oh my fucking God. Yes, please.
He still doesn’t move. I need to up the ante. I move my hand down to my breast and trace slow, circular patterns around it. He sucks in his breath and lets it out slowly, biting his lip.

“Ben,” I whisper with want as he licks his lips. “Ben?”

“What?”

“Truth or dare?” My voice trembles as my body hums with anticipation.

“Dare,” he finally answers.

“Do it, Ben. Do everything you just said to me, and do it now … please.”

He climbs over me hungrily as he places himself right where I invited him. I can feel his hardness through my clothes as his body lowers onto me. I tremble as his hand slides up my side, stopping at my breast. We both massage it together in a slow, pleasurable torture. I let him lead the way now because my once coherent thoughts are fading fast. He moves his lips toward mine and licks them. Stopping his massage too soon, he grabs hold of my hands and raises them up.

Placing both of them into an unyielding grip, his voice is rough when he speaks. “I want this, but tell me when to stop. If I only get to kiss you and touch you, I’m okay with that. You’re in control tonight. But next time, I’m in control.” Then he slams his mouth into mine.

His lips and tongue do exactly what he told me they would. My body arches up to meet his as his tongue explores my mouth. His hand stays firm, and it’s slowly driving me mad that I can’t touch him. He must sense my growing urgency because he chuckles as he descends small nibbles down my neck. I arch into him again, and he finally releases my hands, and I immediately let them roam over his muscular back. Gradually, his hand goes back to my breast and massages it meticulously over my thin sweater. Sounds urging him to increase his pace erupt out of my mouth while my hands find his lower back insisting he push into me.

As if we’re listening to a slow love song playing through our breaths, his hand travels down to my waist and pulls the fabric up, finding my nipple. Gently and methodically he tugs on it. The sweet rhythm sends sharp rippling sensations from my breasts straight to my core. My body takes over, and I raise my hips up to him in a thrusting motion. He responds with a thrust of his own that causes another whimper to escape from my lips. I move my hands down his back and grab his firm ass and thrust into him again. This time he matches me thrust for thrust and I can feel his hardness grow. “Holy shit, Ben. Don’t fucking stop. I’m almost there.” I can hear his breath hitch as more moans escape his mouth.

“Fuck, Sam. I’ve barely touched you.” He squeezes my nipple again while thrusting and growling at the same time. “I need to touch you more.” I feel his hand leave my breast and move under my skirt, grazing across my panties. “You’re soaking wet.” I can only nod while I reach up and grab his hair with both hands. The rippling sensations he’s set in motion progress to out of control waves. His thumb hits just the right spot over my clit and the unraveling begins. My screams can’t be controlled. Between his rubbing and the onslaught of his thrusts, I’m ripped to shreds. My nails dig into him as I scream his name.

Coming down from my euphoric state, I manage to look him in the eyes. They’re filled with what looks like excitement, lust, and desire. What he can do with just one hand sends my core ablaze again, and I find my hands roaming down to his belt buckle. I want to give as well as receive.

As I begin to pull on his buckle he sits up, holding my hands in place. I’m surprised that he’s stopping. “I want you to know that you’re incredible. We don’t have to go any further than this.”

“You think I’m incredible, but you know the feeling’s mutual.” My hands leave his buckle and rest at the bottom of his shirt. My fingers brush against his stomach and the muscles that make that beautiful V. I look him in the eye so he understands my intentions, and I let it all out. “I’m not ready to have sex with you, but I want us to keep exploring and getting to know each and every part of each other.” I lift up his shirt and pull it over his head. “I want to wait until we can’t stand it any longer and our bodies are begging for it.” My hands slowly roam down his chest, pausing at every ripple, tracing it for memory. “Because Ben, I can only imagine what your hands will feel like when they’re actually inside me, and when I get to feel all of you thrusting into me.”