First Chances (13 page)

There was something in this boy’s eyes, the hazel deep and penetrating, sad and soft, that made me lose myself in them. My heart was hammering so hard against my chest that I was sure he could hear it.

We breathed the same air, our breath foggy white in the coldness. My eyes fluttered shut as the silence built around us, encasing us in a moment that I knew was the start of something new. This boy and I—the one who never gave up on me—were on the brink of something incredible.

And then it happened.

A single kiss.

A kiss that kick started something in my chest that I thought had died along with Lincoln.

A kiss that made the earth spin.

A kiss that thawed the icy shards in my heart.

And in that one kiss, I came alive. Like the dead garden in spring.

Chapter Twenty

Eddie

The taste of the kiss lingered on my lips.

I wasn’t going to lie. I wanted to do more than kiss Hadie.

But standing here by the dead garden probably wasn’t the best place to do all the things I wanted to do to her. And, honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I could get away with doing more. A simple kiss had been a huge risk, but the moment had felt right and I’d taken the chance.

My first chance with Hadie—the girl I loved.

I pulled away first, leaving her wanting more. She bit down on her bottom lip as though she was trying to stop herself from taking more from me than I was giving her.

My lips tasted sweet from the lip gloss Hadie was wearing. It made me want to press my mouth against hers again, but I stopped myself. I didn’t want to move too fast and scare her away.

I wasn’t ready to leave her just yet, though. I wondered if we could continue the night; just to talk, and maybe kiss some more. There was no way I was going to end it here and go home wondering how things could’ve turned out.

It was clear Hadie was thinking along the same lines, because even in the darkness I could see her face flushing. “Did you want to, um, I don’t know, hang out some more? I have my car. I wasn’t sure if you were busy tonight or had to go somewhere. And it’s totally fine if you did-”

“Of course I want to hang out with you,” I said without hesitation, loving the way she rambled when she was unsure about something.

“Great.” Her face was glowing as she stared up at me, her cheeks still flushed.

First, I had to let Philip know since he always took me home after the support group. “Let me talk to Philip for a sec and I’ll be right back.”

“Philip?” she asked, her brows knitting in confusion. “Why do you need to talk to Philip?”

“He’s my ride home,” I responded as I studied her pink face, my eyes eventually settling on her pink lips.

Yep, I was definitely going to kiss her some more tonight; maybe even let my hands wander. Even my self-control had its limits. If she was up for it, I wasn’t going to say no.

“Oh,” she said slowly, “that’s nice of him.”

“Well, he’s my cousin so it’s kind of his job,” I said without thinking.

From the surprised look on her face, I quickly realized I’d made a big mistake. Me and my stupid fucking mouth.

“Cousin,” Hadie repeated; her brow creased, and I could see the pieces clicking together in her mind. “So, me doing this support group thing? Did you have anything to do with it?”

I stilted. I wasn’t going to lie to her. It wasn’t who I was, and I mentally kicked myself for always wanting to be so honest. Why did I have to be so goddamn honest all the time?

It didn’t take me very long to come to a conclusion.

Him—it was because of him. My father. He had always lied about everything, and I wanted to be nothing like him. That’s why I had to tell her the truth. There was no way I was going to be the man he was—I was going to be more of a man than he had ever been.

From the way Hadie was angling her body away from me, I could tell the truth wasn’t going to go down well. But she had a right to know. Lies were poison we fed to others to appease them, but eventually the poison would spread, and sometimes there wasn’t a cure. Sometimes there was only destruction.

“Well?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing into slits.

“Yes,” I admitted. “I recommended Philip’s support group to your parents after Lincoln passed away.”

“Are you freaking serious right now?” Her eyes blazed with anger as she shoved me hard in the chest. “How many times did I tell you to stay out of my business? I hate coming to this support group, and now I find out you’re the reason why I’m here in the first place! I can’t believe this!”

Hadie threw her hands up in anger and strode away from me as though she’d suffered a huge betrayal.

That was when I lost it. I mean, I’d already lost it a few times at her, but this time I was pretty sure my next words were going to make or break my relationship with Hadie. I was so goddamn sick of her getting mad at me all the time for helping her. There was nothing wrong with accepting help from someone.

“Get the fuck over yourself, Hadie!” I snapped, stalking after her. “If the worst thing someone’s ever done to you is recommend a support group then you need a reality check!”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” she yelled, getting right in my face. Her entire body was emanating anger. A part of her was coming to life, even if that life was being fueled by the rage she felt towards me. “You don’t get to dictate what I need to do in order to move on! You have no idea! No idea at all!”

“Really?” I demanded, my hands shaking as I spoke. I was tired of Hadie acting like she was the only one affected by bad shit. “You think I have no idea? Do you know why I come to the support group? Do you even care? Do you see beyond the miserable bubble you live in?”

She was breathing heavily as she stared at me, and from the way her face scrunched up, I knew my words were hitting her hard. She opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something, but I wasn’t going to give her that chance. I had put up with her bullshit for long enough. Now, it was time for her to listen.

“My dad bailed on us last year. No note, nothing. One day, he was just gone. My mom wasn’t herself for months. Still, she continued to live and survive for Hailie and me. She didn’t give up; she didn’t turn into a different person.” I looked Hadie up and down to make my point clear. “She stayed strong, and she realized that life has to go on even when someone important isn’t a part of it anymore.”

“Eddie, I didn’t know,” Hadie breathed, lowering her head and staring down at the snow-covered ground.

I held up my head as I spoke, not wanting to break down over my douchebag dad. He wasn’t worth my emotions. “There were days where I wondered why this was happening to us. We’re struggling with money, we’re struggling to make Hailie understand where her dad is. That’s why I come here, Hadie. Because it helps to talk. It helps knowing there are other people in the world who have problems, too; people who manage to survive.”

Hadie gazed up at me, and our eyes met. There was something slowly dawning on her face; maybe it was understanding, maybe it was simply sympathy. Either way, her anger was fading away and I could tell she was beginning to see why I’d told her parents about the support group.

I took a deep breath. “Lincoln wouldn’t have wanted you to turn into the stranger you’re trying to become. He would’ve wanted you to be strong and to get through this without losing yourself.” I went on in a gentler tone. “Lincoln didn’t walk out on you; he would’ve stayed if he could.”

With those words, Hadie’s mask crumbled and tears pushed their way out of her eyes. She fell into me, crushing her face into my chest, and I held her. I held her because this was what she needed. She needed someone who truly understood her, and it was something she would never find with Three.

I let Hadie sob into my chest for as long as she needed to. I wasn’t sure how long we both stood there in the freezing cold—two lost souls bound together—but finally she pulled back and looked up at me with a tear-stained face.

“You’re right,” she said, her voice soft. “You’re right about everything.”

“It’s okay,” I whispered back, running a hand through her hair. “Though, I’m sure he would’ve found the purple hair pretty hot.”

Hadie let out a laugh, sniffling a little at the same time. Her eyes landed on my lips, and my mind immediately flashed back to the moment we had finally kissed. My body was already dying to be pressed up against her, but I wasn’t sure if she was still feeling it, so I didn’t make a move.

“I’m cold, Eddie,” Hadie said, her breath releasing icy smoke into the air.

I’d been too fired up to notice how chill the night had grown, but now that I was relaxed, the iciness was settling into my bones.

There were a couple of ways I could think of warming us, but both of my options involved taking our clothes off and was probably too inappropriate to express to Hadie right now. I was more of a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy. If something happened, it happened. And if it didn’t then I wasn’t gonna be bothered by it.

“Let’s go back to your car,” I suggested casually. I wouldn’t mind kissing Hadie some more if she was up for it.

“Sure,” she said with a small smile.

I pulled Hadie’s small hand into mine as we left the dead garden and made our way over the covered bridge, back towards the parking lot of the support group building.

As I rubbed Hadie’s cold fingers with my own, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent Philip a quick message. He hadn’t messaged me yet, which meant he was probably still cleaning up the room.

Don’t worry about taking me home, I’m getting a ride with Hadie

“So, were you a little jealous that Fiona was talking to me?” I asked, my tone light as we reached Hadie’s car.

She turned to me in surprise as she unlocked her car, and her cheeks flushed their tell-tale shade of pink, immediately giving away her feelings.

“Um, well, no it wasn’t that, I just, it’s annoying when people block places of, uh, thoroughfare with their annoying flirting.”

Places of thoroughfare? What in the hell? Was that even a thing?

“You’re full of shit, Hadie Swinton,” I teased, grabbing her around the waist and pushing her against the side of her car.

She let out a small gasp, her eyes wide as she studied me, but made no move to push me away.

“Because-” I lowered my mouth to her neck and planted a kiss on her soft skin. “I know-” My lips slowly moved up her neck. “You wouldn’t have reacted like that-” I stopped short of her mouth, and I was almost sure she had stopped breathing. “Unless a part of you wanted me.”

With that, I planted a fierce kiss on her lips, one that she returned with just as much intensity, her hands seeking out my arms, shoulders, the back of my head, fingers running through my hair. Hadie was pushing her body into mine, building a heat that burned through me and creating a need for her I’d never experienced before.

Somehow, Hadie managed to pull open the door to the backseat of her car, and I picked her up and threw her onto the cold leather seat. I climbed in after her, shutting the door behind us.

In the muted darkness, we studied each other like two strangers seeing each other for the first time. My fingers trailed up her soft skin. Her eyes closed as she leaned into me. I let my other hand tease the hem of her ridiculous dress.

Why she was wearing such a short dress in January was beyond me, but right now it didn’t matter. Right now the only thing that mattered was my body against hers and how badly I wanted her.

I dropped my hands to her almost knee-high boots and began to unzip the one that clad her right leg. She was dressed provocatively, and even though I wouldn’t normally find that appealing on a girl, in this moment I was incredibly turned on. This was Hadie, and I had wanted her for so damn long.

And fuck, did she look hot.

Pulling off the boot, I reached over to unzip the other one and let it fall to the floor. Then I slowly moved my fingers up her leg and towards her inner thigh.

Hadie let out a moan, and I wound my other hand around the back of her neck to brace her. My fingers grazed the soft skin of her thigh before moving upwards.

Hadie’s body shuddered, and she let out a moan that had my hard-on pushing against my jeans.

“Do you want me, Hadie?” I asked, my voice a low growl.

Her brown eyes locked onto mine and she nodded silently. I could see the yearning in her eyes as my gaze wandered over her face.

“Tell me,” I ordered, trailing a finger down her arm.

“I want you,” she whispered, and I could see she was struggling with several different emotions at once, “but not here, not like this.”

I nodded. She was right. Our first time didn’t need to be in the backseat of her car. Maybe we could go to my house. My mom wasn’t super strict, and she wouldn’t freak out if we had sex as long as we were safe about it. She had given me the sex talk a long time ago, in way too much detail.

Before I could suggest my house, Hadie was already saying, “We can go back to my house. My parents are out to dinner with some clients and I don’t expect they’ll be back for hours.”

“Sure,” I said with a nod.

I’d have to let my mom know I wouldn’t be home tonight, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal since it wasn’t a school night.

I helped Hadie pull her boots back on, before we both shuffled around and climbed into the front of the car. Hadie turned on the engine, letting warm air sweep through the chill interior.

When she didn’t pull out of her spot right away, I dared a glance at her, wondering if she’d changed her mind. Instead, I found her studying me, her head tilted slightly to the side.

Hadie blushed and quickly turned to look straight ahead as though she was embarrassed to be caught staring. She put the car into drive and slowly pulled out of the parking lot, but I continued to gaze at her for a few more seconds.

It finally dawned on me that I loved her despite who she was. Whether she was book smart Hadie, or Hadie struggling to overcome a loss that wasn’t her fault, I loved her for her. I loved her for the person she was.