If Ever I Fall (9 page)

Running my hand through my hair, I turn the knob and head into her room. Sure enough, there on her bed are her bags with her clothes in them.

“I shouldn’t have said that about you. I’m sorry.” Laney stops for a brief second before going back to packing.

“It’s fine. We tried and this isn’t going to work. I will see if I can stay with Brad and Steph for a little while.” Shit, I really fucked this up didn’t I?

“You don’t have to leave. I was an asshole and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Laney tosses some more clothes on the bed before she starts to fold them and pack them in too. My heart feels heavy and I don’t like it at all. I’m not used to the kinds of feelings she has me feeling.

“I do have to leave but thank you for the apology.” Standing from the bed, I know I saw a tear in her eye. My stomach knots up and I feel sick. I never cared before if I made a girl cry or even pissed her off but with Laney everything feels different.

I watch her throw some more clothes before I take a step towards her. Grabbing her arms I pull her against me.

“Don’t go. I’m so fucking sorry I said what I did. If I could take that back I would. I just don’t know what to do with all this shit in my head.”  Her tears wet my shirt but she keeps her head down. Fuck! I ruin everything that’s good in my life.

“I need to go. I’m sorry Gavin.” Laney tries to pull away but I can’t let her, I won’t.

“Laney, please. Stay. I’ll go. You deserve to stay here and have a home. I have been thinking that I might just stay at the studio for a while anyways.” Her head pops up and that tear streaked face rips my chest open.

“This is your house. Why would you leave?” I know all of this confuses her but she means something to me whether she understands it or not. Hell, I don’t even understand it.

“It’s just a house. I know you need your space from me and I think I need some too. You stay, please.” Laney steps back out of my grip as something takes over her. She looks like a sort of peace flows through her and a recognition registers to her although she isn’t sure why. I know that feeling all too well.

“Ok.” That one word settles something deep within my soul.

God help me if I ever have to see the hurt in those eyes of hers again.

I nod my head as I walk out of her room closing the door behind me before making my way into my own room.

I slide my phone out and send a few texts to let everyone know where I’m going before I text Sean.

“Goin to stay at the studio for a few days.”

“Why? What now, Gavin?”

“I need the space to breath.”

“What about Laney? Does she know?”

“Yeah, that’s why I was writing you. Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course. Is she ok?”

“She’s fine; I just don’t like her being here alone.”

“You love her don’t you?”

“I don’t know Sean. I feel things. I think I d
o
.”

Throwing my phone on the bed I ignore the beeps of new messages coming in. This shit is hard enough to deal with without going any further with Sean. I’m confused as hell and the feelings I have scare the shit out of me. I don’t need to discuss it with Sean today.

I grab my bags and start packing my shit up. I don’t know what this is going to prove or if it will help settle my mind but I know Laney needs this time more than I do.

With a few final things I zip my bags up tossing them over my shoulder, I walk into the hallway.

I look at her closed door and that ache in my chest comes back full force. I fucking hate this shit and I need to get over it.

                                 
 
Laney

The weeks go by all the same. The leaves fall and the air turns cold. I sit at my piano playing If Ever I Fall over and over. It’s like a never ending song these days and I don’t know why.

My mind buzzes with new pieces to try out but in the end they all come back to this one.

The fireplace crackles with a new fire that Sean started for me. He has been here almost daily.

“You have an amazing talent. I was talking to Gavin and Jessie and we think you should come down to the studio. Play a few tracks with us.” My head pops up as I look over near the fire where he stands.

“What do you mean? With your band?”  Confused by the whole thing I narrow my eyes at him.

“Yeah, with the band. David is playing cello on a few tracks but I think your skills and sound would blow a few of them up. Of course you would get paid for your time.” I watch Sean with interest. I never thought that anyone would hear my music as much as I like the idea.

I could use the extra money but I haven’t really talked to Gavin either. We text a little but we haven’t spoken since he left and that bothers me.

“What about Gavin? We haven’t really been talking.” Sean sighs before he moves to sit on the little piano bench.

“Gavin is a good guy. He gets lost in himself a lot. His history isn’t mine to tell but just know that when Gavin loves he loves hard. He doesn’t always see the bad in things but his feelings are always strong and very real to him.” Sean puts his arm around my shoulder as I contemplate telling him why it’s so hard for me.

“I can see he’s a good guy. He has done so much for me but I just don’t think there’s a future. I have too much of a past myself and there are just certain things that I can’t show him. I’ve been there before and it always ends badly.” Sean pulls me closer to his side, holding me there.

We sit in silence for a minute before Sean speaks again.

“Gavin isn’t like any guy you’ve been with, I can promise you that. You may find yourself surprised at what he can handle. I don’t talk highly enough of him as man and I should. He has his faults just like anyone else but he needs the chance to prove himself.”  Sean stands and walks to the kitchen as I think that over.

Gavin may be different than the others but the fear of what they see is still clear in my mind.

I let my mind wander as my fingers stroke the keys, something new coming from them. Music soothes me in ways nothing else can. If I was ever in the position that I couldn’t play I think I would lose a piece of myself.

I don’t know how long I play; I just let the music flow through my fingertips.

“That is truly amazing.” Sean scares me slightly before I turn and smile at him.

“When’s our first trial run?” Sean’s lips curl into a smile as I stand from the bench and walk towards him.

Before I can say anything he grabs me around the waist and spins me.

“This is going to be fucking epic!” He laughs before setting me back down. “I mean it. You are going to fucking love it!”

Sean moves towards the door without saying a word as I stand there like a fool watching him. He stops and turns to face me.

“You coming?”

“Now?” I look at him confused as hell.

“Yeah, we got time tonight and Gavin already had a piano brought in.” My heart stops beating. He had one brought in already? Like he knew I would come.

“Don’t look so surprised, Laney. I told you, when he feels, he does.”  I shake my head slowly from side to side. I don’t know what to say to that.

“Just trust me.” My eyes shoot back to his and the small smile that plays at the corners of his mouth is reassuring.

I let go for once and just go with it. I grab my phone off the piano and follow Sean out the front door.

“Hope you’re right.”

                                 
 
Gavin

Why do I let my heart override my head? Why didn’t I let that happen when I was with Jenna? That catastrophe was all in my head without on ounce of heart in it.

Laney is different though. She has this magnetism about her that draws me in. Her obvious lack of knowledge in just how beautiful she is does the same thing. She’s an enigma in herself that she doesn’t even know.

I’ve never felt a tug in my chest like I do when I’m around her or away from her for that matter. She makes my heart skip beats and my head turn to fog. That didn’t even happen with Ashley and I loved that girl with all my heart until she ripped it from my chest.

I never thought I could feel anything again and up until I laid eyes on that beauty, I hadn’t.

These are all the things I should be telling Laney but I don’t have the fucking balls to do it. Set any big breast blonde girl in front of me and I can talk her ear off, but put Laney there and I clam the fuck up. No girl has ever been able to make me feel those things before.

Walking back to the studio from the little diner down the road, I breathe in the crisp air. It’s almost Thanksgiving and I am just ready for the holidays to be over. They never held much for me over the years.

We always go out of town to my grandma’s cabin for Christmas in Colorado. I guess that is one good thing about the holidays.

When I pull the door open to the studio, I gasp. There is no mistaking that sweet melodic sound that flows through the air. Laney’s here and she’s playing the piano.

I walk towards the back with a newfound quickness eager to see her beautiful face again. It’s been far too long to just text and shit.

As soon as I round the corner I lean against the wall in amazement. She sits at the piano and plays like a professional. She looks so angelic as her head tips back and her eyes close.

“Beautiful.” The words slip from my mouth but there is no way she heard them. A hand lands on my shoulder pulling me out of my Laney induced bliss.

“She’s great.” Sean looks at Laney as I follow his gaze.

“She’s perfect.” I know I need to walk away but I can’t. I’m frozen in place when she turns around and looks me in the eye, a smile coming across her face.

“We’ll be back in a minute.” Sean announces as he waves Jessie and David over. I know what he’s doing and I appreciate it.

I watch the guys walk off before I walk into the room.

“Have you ever thought about adding lyrics to that?” Nodding towards the piano, I keep my hands in my pockets to keep myself from grabbing her and dragging her body against mine.

“No, I don’t sing.” She giggles softly making my heart melt into a puddle.

“Laney, I just want to say I’m sorry about everything. I didn’t mean to push you the way I did.” Laney looks down before she stands and looks up at me, her eyes sparkling.

“I’m sorry too. I miss being your friend Gavin. I miss laughing and having a good time.” I love seeing her smile. She looks so bright and vibrant.

“Does that mean you want me to come home?”  Bumping her with my arm, she giggles again. God, I have missed that.

“I didn’t make you leave so I guess that’s a yes.” Laney wraps her arms around my waist before I pull my hands out of my pockets and hug her back. Feeling her against me just feels so right to me. I don’t know how I will ever live with this girl and not touch her. I want her more than any man should.

“Shit! You made up?” Sean yells as he walks in and catches us mid-hug. I don’t care though, everything is perfect for now.

“He can’t stay mad at me.” Laney pulls her head from my chest and looks over at Sean smiling.

“Let’s get some music going!”  I don’t let go of Laney as I drag her over to the other room. Jessie and David push the piano through so we can record a few things.

“How did you know I would come?” She looks up at me while I keep her in my grasps.