Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (13 page)

“
It’s ok. He’s made it
clear that he doesn’t cherish me. He couldn’t get far enough away
from me.” I pushed my lunch away, unable to eat anymore.

“
Cassidy, he
cherishes
you
above anyone else and that scares him to death. I’ve known
him almost my entire life. That’s why I acted the way I did at the
auction. You changed the ballgame and I knew he’d never be mine
again, not with you in the picture.” I sat staring at nothing as I
listened to her words. “I was jealous, envious, whatever you want
to call it. You sunk my battleship.”

I chuckled at that. “I
don’t know about that.”

“
I originally plotted with
Dan to get you away from James. I had no idea he would take things
so far.”

I wasn’t really surprised
by that admission. We had all figured that was the case. We sat in
silence for a little while before she apologized about the day I
had found her in the penthouse in nothing but a towel.

“
You should know that I
moved out that day.” That made me happy to hear. “I’m sorry about
the baby. I…”

I cut her off, “It’s not
your fault. I should’ve told him sooner. Maybe things would be
different.”

“
He was devastated,
Cassidy. He wanted that baby.”

“
I did too.” I was about
to say more when there was a knock on my office door. Sighing,
“Thank you, Melissa. I appreciate it.”

“
It’s not a problem. I’m
really happy to be here and excited for the future for the first
time in a very long time.” I wished I could say the same. “I hope
you can make it work with James. I don’t know your history with
Paul, but even I can see the pull between you and James.” Another
knock on the door came.

“
There needs to be more
than a pull.” She smirked at that before we both stood and walked
toward the door. I opened it up to find Annie. I’d forgotten our
appointment. “Annie, sorry. I totally forgot.”

“
It’s ok. I was nearby and
just figured I’d swing by.” She looked to Melissa, “How are you
doing, Melissa?”

“
I’m good. I should get
back to it. QuickBooks beckons me!” We chuckled at that before she
looked to me and said, “Anytime you want to talk, I’m willing to
listen.”

She made her exit as Annie
took a seat at the table. I closed the door behind Melissa and sat
down next to Annie. “She means well.”

Looking to Annie, I
acknowledged her. “I know.”

“
So, this art gallery.
Tell me more.” I divulged all the details to her as quickly as I
could. “I really don’t know if there’s anything we can do. With
Holly not having any family, well, it’s complicated.”

“
Well, it was worth a try.
If I had the money I’d just buy it all myself. I should’ve been
more persistent last summer. I
knew
there had to be more.”

“
I’m really sorry,
Cassidy.” She smiled at me and inquired, “So, what happened with
Paul?”

“
Ugh. It’s complicated.
But, needless to say, we’re not speaking. I told him I needed space
and time.” She nodded. “It was foolish of me to, well,
whatever.”

“
And James?”

Shaking my head, “What
about him? I haven’t talked to him in what seems like weeks. The
wedding will be interesting.”

“
How’s that
going?”

“
Good. Jane is probably
the calmest bride I’ve ever worked with. Beverly on the other
hand…” We both laughed at that.

“
Have you thought anymore
about what we discussed?” I just stared at her, unsure what to say.
“Well, here’s his email address. He’s very discreet and prefers to
start up a rapport with his subs through email.”

She slid a business card
across the table and I picked it up and scanned it. There was no
name on the little black card. Just an email address that gave
nothing about his identity away. “I’ll think about it. Hell, it’d
be nice to just have someone to talk to.”

“
I’m sure he’d enjoy that.
I should run. Call me if you need anything.”

“
Will do. Thanks,
Annie.”

That night when I got home,
with Holly on my mind, I called the tattoo shop and booked an
appointment with Styx. I’d had the phoenix for almost a year and it
was way past time to get the color filled in. He couldn’t get me in
right away, but it was fine. I put the appointment in my calendar
and came across the card that Annie had given me. I stared at it
for several moments before placing it back in my wallet.

That Saturday marked the
one year anniversary of Holly and Sam’s deaths. Friday night, Cal
and Jane had come over for pizza, just the three of us. Jane and I
worked on her seating chart as best we could since there were still
a few rsvp’s we were waiting on. She had her final fitting the next
week, as did I.

“
Cassidy, you doing
ok.”

Without looking up at her I
replied, “Yup. I’m good.” I felt her hand on mine and looked to
her. She clearly doubted my quick response.

“
Cass, you’ve been through
a lot the last few months.” Cal had joined in on the interrogation
as I rolled my eyes.

“
You guys I’m
fine.”

“
Cassidy…”

“
STOP. There’s no point in
talking about it.” Taking in a shaky breath I whispered, “You don’t
understand. No one understands. I lost my baby and my husband in
the span of days and now Paul.”

“
What do you mean ‘and now
Paul’?”

“
Ugh.” I ran my hands
through my hair before confiding in them. “I called it off with
Paul. I wasn’t ready, probably never will be.” I couldn’t bear to
look at either of them. “I don’t want to cry anymore. Can we please
stop talking about it?”

“
I told Paul to back
off.”

“
Cal, this isn’t his
fault.”

“
I’m very well aware of
whose fault it is.” I laughed at him. “Why are you
laughing?”

“
Cal, I love you, but I’m
a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

Huffing, he walked to the
kitchen as he mumbled, “I doubt that.”

“
Really?”

“
Alright you two.” Jane
tried diffusing the squabble between Cal and me but it was too
late.

“
I never once questioned
you and all those hussies you brought ‘round. Not once. Who I fuck
is none of your concern, even if one is your best friend and the
other your fiancé’s cousin.”

Cal stared at me, glancing
to Jane, whom I had clearly offended. “Ok. I think that’s our cue
to go.”

“
Jane, I’m
sorry.”

“
Nope, it’s ok. I’ll see
you next week at the fitting.” Jane grabbed her things and walked
out the door.

“
Nice, Cass.” Cal walked
to me, anger radiating off of him. “If she calls off the wedding
it’s on you.”

“
Oh give me a break. She’s
not going to call off the wedding. I didn’t mean to offend her, but
I’m not sixteen anymore, Cal. You have to stop treating me as
such.”

Sighing, he resigned. “I
know. I’m sorry. I came over here because of Holly. It’s a year
today. We didn’t want you to be alone. I don’t want to fight with
you.”

I rubbed his arm, “I know
and I appreciate it. You should go after her before she leaves
without you.” Nodding, he kissed my cheek and left.

The next morning I woke up
feeling like crap, but attributed it to what day it was. I went to
the flower shop and picked up some flowers, leaving them on the
front seat and ran back inside to grab my phone. I drove to the
cemetery, almost on autopilot. I was barely aware that Ryan was
behind me and had remained at the entrance, giving me some
privacy.

I parked between Eva’s
grave and Holly and Sam’s. I headed to Eva’s first and placed a
single rose on her grave as my thoughts drifted to her. I imagined
how things would’ve been different had she not passed away. It was
futile. Rising, I walked toward Holly and Sam. A chill ran over
me.

I placed the bouquet on
Holly’s grave as a tear rolled down my face. How I wished I had her
to confide in. She wouldn’t have judged me or my indiscretions. I
laughed at the thought of her meeting Paul and wished she would’ve
gotten to know James. Ugh! What was wrong with me?

“
Holly, show me a sign.
Please.” I whispered the words not quite sure what I was asking
for.

Another chill ran over me
as I stood. When I turned, his muscled figure greeted me. His hair
was down and he wore jeans and a well-fitted polo.
Was he my sign?
I shook
the thought away.

“
Wh, what are you doing
here?” My voice was shaky as his presence rattled me.

“
What do you think I’m
doing here?” He tilted his head and smiled that smile at me that
made my toes curl.

“
You remembered?” I
couldn’t believe he remembered. I mean, I could, but I was shocked
to see him there.

“
How could I forget?” He
was silently beckoning to me, I could feel it. What the hell was he
playing at? I tried to speak, but the emotions were too potent to
contain. He made a move toward me and I immediately stepped back.
“Cassidy, let me hold you.”

Hold me? He wanted to hold
me? Why now? I scanned his eyes trying to figure him out. But that
proved an impossible task.
‘He must be
close to seven feet tall!’
I remembered
Holly’s description of James when she first saw him. “I miss her so
much. This last year…”

“
I know.” He made a move
toward me again and I didn’t have the strength to walk away from
him and I didn’t want to. I covered my face with my hands and he
pulled me close. “Shh.” I let my body mold into his and when he
inhaled my hair, it wasn’t lost on me. His own scent, mixed with
cologne, drifted through me and immediately relaxed me. “It’s going
to be ok.”

Was it? How could he say
that? I wanted to believe him. Was it possible to just forget
everything and move on? Together? He guided me to a nearby bench
and handed me a handkerchief and I used it to wipe at my eyes. I
sat down and he followed suit. His arm was draped around the back
of the bench and rubbing my shoulder. Another chill ran through me
and I was beginning to think I was getting sick.

“
Are you cold?”

I shook my head, “No, I
don’t know.”

His hand moved to my
forehead, “Cassidy, you’re burning up.”

“
What are you talking
about?” I’d been feeling a little run down that whole day, but just
figured I was tired.

“
You’re running a
fever.”

“
I’m fine, I assure
you.”

“
You need to see a
doctor.”

“
Stop!” He looked startled
at my outburst. “Stop pretending you care. I know you
don’t.”

He attempted to place my
hands in his, but I evaded him. “I care, Cassidy. More than you
know.”

I stood up. I couldn’t
listen to anymore of his lies. “I can’t listen to this.” My head
began to spin and the aches in my body became more prevalent. “You
keep saying you care, but, but.” The cemetery began to spin around
me. “Shit.”

“
Cassidy?” I dropped back
down to the bench. “You’re not fine.”

“
I’m fine.” My protest was
a weak one. “I just want to go home. Take me home.” I dropped my
head to his shoulder and listened as he made a phone call. It
sounded like he was sending Ryan to come and get me—or my car—I
wasn’t sure which.

“
Cassidy, give me your
keys.” Reaching in my pocket, I handed them over. “Alright. Up you
go.” He helped pull me to my feet and we started
walking.

“
Oh, no.”

“
What is it?” Before I
could answer, I stumbled to a bush and discarded the contents of my
stomach. He handed me his handkerchief again and I wiped my mouth.
Standing back up, I tried walking to my car. “Not so fast. You’re
riding with me.”

I didn’t have the strength
to fight him. I just wanted to go home and go to bed. He helped me
up into his truck and buckled me in. As we drove, I became aware
that he wasn’t taking me home. Where was he taking me?

“
James, I want to go
home.”

“
I know, but not before
you see a doctor.”

“
I told you I’m
fine.”

“
You’re so pale you’re
almost green. You’re not fine.” I just closed my eyes, knowing
arguing with him was pointless.

He took me to the ER and
checked me in. We waited in the lobby for a few minutes before
being called back. I didn’t bother telling him he could wait in the
lobby. The nurse asked the usual questions and ordered some labs.
James was playing on his phone and I tried to get some rest. The
doctor came in to let me know my pregnancy test was
negative.
Thanks ass-wipe.
Way to make an uncomfortable situation even more
so. They hooked up a bag of fluids, since I was dehydrated and told
me to rest as they waited for the other labs to come
back.