SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED (13 page)

He didn’t say anything.

She got up and hugged him. “Thank you. You made an old lady happy. Now, go make yourself happy. Go talk to her. She needs you right now. I’ll hold off on the adoption process until I’m certain you’ve both made the right decision.”

He smiled. “Thank you.” He looked her up and down and grinned, “Margot, you’re wrong about one thing. You’re not old. You gave me a run for my money,” he grinned, “So, to speak.”

She blushed and said, “Go on now. Go make Abby blush.”

“Not a bad idea,” he smiled and took the stairs two at a time.

“If you’re going to try to talk me out of…” he kissed me. “What was that for?” I asked, surprised. I thought he’d be angry with me.

“I love you. I don’t have another class until 3:30,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head.

“What? I don’t understand. I thought you’d be angry with me. I thought you came up here to argue.”

“We have two and a half hours, and I don’t want to spend it arguing…” he kissed me again and before I knew it we were completely exhausted and wonderfully happy…and we slept through his class.

“I can’t keep missing classes like this,” he grinned when he saw that not only was he late to his afternoon ethics class, but he slept through his civil litigation class as well.

“Then stop being so irresistible and I’ll let you go to school,” I smiled.

“Speaking of school; you need to finish high school. I’m sorry you can’t finish with your class.”

“I don’t care about finishing with my class. I love being here with you. Why didn’t we just do this before?” I grinned.

“You weren’t pregnant before.”

I looked down. “I know.”

“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I just meant that if this hadn’t happened then you’d be graduating high school in a few months. You need to finish school, Abby. Would you consider going to the girls’ home during the day to get your diploma?”

“I can’t think about school right now. I just want to be with you.”

“And I want to be with you, but I have to go to school, Abby. That’s why I didn’t stay in Los Angeles.”

“I know. I’m sorry I kept you…”
             

“No, I wanted to stay. That was my fault…and I’m not complaining. But, I’m almost done with school for the s
emester, and I’d like to be completely done before you have the baby. I’m falling behind in my classes and in order to keep my 4.0 I’m going to have to study…hard.  I’ve been trying to fast track it so that I can finish early.”

“You’ll be all done…early?” I asked, thrilled to hear that.

“Yeah, if I pass my classes, but that means I have to study…all the time. No more of…” he looked down at my naked body, “this…” he sighed.

I curled up next to him and said, “You can do it.
You’ve never failed anything.”

“I failed you. I should have been there. It wouldn’t have happened,” he said, stoically.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, you can’t spend every waking moment with me…it still would have happened. I was stupid, I didn’t see the signs, or I refused to…”

“Can you tell me about it now?”

“No. I promise I will, someday. But not now.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay, I won’t pressure you. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but I think school would be good for you. You can meet a lot of other girls your age, who are in the same boat. Maybe make some friends.”

“But I won’t see you when you’re home.”

“I don’t live here, Abby. And I can’t take you home with me. I’m risking getting caught every time I come here. But, I figure
Nancy’s not looking too hard for you, yet.”

“No, probably not.”

“So, you and I can spend the next three months finishing school, okay? I talked to Margot, she said you’ll get a real diploma and you can do it in about two months…if you want.”

I nodded yes. “Will I get to see you?” I asked, afraid of losing him.

“Of course, I promise. It just can’t be every day. And, I have to study, so you can’t walk around in those old T-shirts of mine anymore.”

“I love these old shirts. But…”

“But, what?”

“They’re going to be too small soon, anyway.”

“You’re beautiful and you’ll be more beautiful when you’re…rounder,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes. “School huh? Oh, joy! Well, at least they’re all in the same boat…fat, like me,” I said.

“You’re hardly fat, Abby. You’re still way too thin. Landry told you that you still need to gain…”

“I know, I know. I’m eating…a lot.”

He smiled at me and said, “We’ll get through it…I promise. I always keep my promises,” he reminded me.

“Yeah, but it seems I had to wait until the last day of summer for the last one.”

“Better late than never,” he grinned.

I sighed, “Okay, I’ll go to school.” I’d always hated school, but I gave in, knowing it was not only the right thing to do, but it was what he needed.

I went along with Kellan’s plan and started school two days later. It was different…and kind of fun. I did make some new friends for the two months that I was there. Margot would take me with her in the mornings and Kellan would sometimes pick me up after his classes. It worked, and it wasn’t long before I had my diploma.

I didn’t like being away from Kellan, but school had kept my mind busy and off of the inevitable…childbirth. I was terrified of having the baby. I wasn’t afraid of the pain so much as the fear that I would look down and stare into the face of Joe. And, I was even more afraid that Kellan would see it, too. I knew I wanted him with me when I gave birth, but at the same time, I didn’t want to risk it. I was afraid, and as the days and weeks passed, and I became more and more swollen with a baby I didn’t want, the fear started showing outwardly.

“Only about six weeks left, Abby. Are you sure you don’t want to take a childbirth education class?” Landry asked me after my weekly appointment of torture.

“I think Kellan and I have both had enough of school lately.”

She smiled. “I’m sure he’ll pass all his classes with A’s. And, you’re all done, for now.”

“Yes, I’m a high school graduate. Still seems strange to me.” I was fidgeting, not sure what to do with myself.

“Are you sorry you couldn’t graduate with your class?”

“No. I’m much happier with Kellan. I can’t wait to see him tonight.”

“He’s all done now, right?”

“He’s done with his last final today. But, he won’t find out his grades for a couple of days. I’m sure he’ll pass with A’s, despite me. But I’ll be glad when the torture’s over…for both of us,” I sighed.

“It doesn’t have to be torture. You can have pain medication, Abby. You don’t have to be afraid of the pain.”

“No, I won’t do that to her. And, I’m not afraid of the pain,” I said, having no idea what kind of pain I was in for.

“Well, you can always leave your options open.” She looked up, “Hi, Kellan. We’re just about done here.”

I looked up at him and said, “Well, how did you do?”

“I have no idea. I’m exhausted.” He sat down on the bed next to me and said, “How are you?”  He leaned down and kissed me.

“Much better now that you’re done.”

“Um, before you two get carried away, I want to do another ultrasound.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Abby, I need to make sure the baby’s head down. I think she is, but I can’t risk delivering a breech baby. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it, but I need to do this, and since you don’t like cervical exams….”

I cringed at the thought. “Fine!” I lifted up my shirt, but I didn’t have to roll my pants down any longer as my belly stuck out so far nothing stayed up on it anymore.

She grinned and squirted more gel on my belly.

Once again, Kellan was enthralled with the monitor. “She’s getting so big now. She looks like a baby…”

“What were you expecting?” Landry laughed.

“I don’t know. She’s just…beautiful, like her mother.”

He took my hand and said, “Look at her, Abby. Please?”

I did it for him, I glanced at the screen, but before I could focus on the image, Joe’s face clouded my vision and I quickly sat up and brushed her hand and the ultrasound probe away. “Are you done?” I asked, panicking.

She grabbed my hand and said, “Yes. I won’t need to do it again. I’m sorry. It’ll be over, soon, okay?”

I nodded, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I um, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll see you next week, Abby.”

I nodded.

“Abby, I’m sorry.” He hugged me tight and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re all done with school for the summer now, right?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Yeah, no more studying. I’m all yours. For whatever you need.”

I pulled him down and kissed him hard, letting him know in no uncertain terms what I needed at that moment.

He obliged me without question. We were finally free to spend time together and we were inseparable. He had been there for me while he was in school, but I knew that he was torn between catering to me and studying…but now he was all mine.

Later that night Kellan said, “I’m sorry I made you look at the ultrasound monitor today.”

“It’s okay. I know it sounds terrible, but I just don’t want…her.”

“Okay. I’m starting to understand now. I’ll tell Margot to go ahead with the adoption papers…if you’re sure?”

I looked up at him and nodded. “Do you think I’m terrible for not wanting her?”

“No Abby, of course not. You’re taking good care of yourself and the baby. You’re giving her to a good home. To parent’s that will love her. You’re doing everything right. I just wanted to make sure that’s what you really wanted.”

“It is. I’m so afraid I’m going to take one look at her and see…” I shivered. “I know I won’t ever love her or want her and I don’t want to be like Nancy…” I couldn’t say the name Joe; it just wouldn’t come out.

“You could NEVER be anything like Nancy! You’re warm and loving and the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Abby, it’s okay if you don’t want the baby. We can have babies…later.”

I nodded and hugged him tight. “Thank you.”

The next week was wonderful. We spent every waking moment together. I was so glad he was done with school for the summer. But, during my next appointment with Landry she said my cervix was already dilating and thinned, but it was too early.

“I’m ready for it to be over,” I said, thinking it wasn’t too early for me at all.

“I know, but you’re baby’s not.”

I sighed, “I know. Did I do something wrong?”

“No. But, I can’t deliver a pre-term baby
here. You’re just over 35 weeks now, so you have to stay pregnant for at least another two weeks or you’ll have to deliver in the hospital.”

“I can’t! They’ll find me!”

“I know, but I can’t risk delivering you this early.”

“So, what do I do?”

“Well, you’re on strict bed rest from now on. You can take a quick shower once a day, but otherwise you have to stay in bed.”

“Well, at least I have Kellan home now, so staying in bed won’t be too bad,” I grinned and then blushed.

“Yeah, and that’s another thing; I’m afraid sex is out of the question, as well.”

I started to argue with her, but Kellan walked in the door right at that moment with a piece of paper in his hands.

“Hi,” I said, dreading telling him that awful news.

He smiled, “Hi. How’s our patient?”

Landry stood up and said, “She’s okay. I’ll um, let you two talk. Remember what I said, Abby,” she said with raised eyebrows and a threatening glare.

I nodded and sighed.

She left and Kellan sat down on the bed next to me and kissed me. “What was that all about?”

“I’ll tell you later…what’s in your hand?”

“Oh, it’s my grades.”

“Well?”

He handed them to me and smiled. “I knew it! I’ll bet you didn’t even need to spend all that time studying…or any time studying!” I reached up and kissed him and he kissed me back and I could tell he obviously wanted more. “Kellan…”

“Hmm?” he asked while nuzzling my neck.

He’d already managed to strip his shirt off and he had mine halfway off before I could even say anything.

“Kellan…we um, we’re not supposed…” but it was too late, I had already forgotten the strict orders Landry had just given me moments before.

“So, is that how we’re going to celebrate every time you get good grades?” I smiled up at him an hour later.

He took a deep breath and said, “Good grades…bad grades, I’ll celebrate with you anytime. How was your appointment with Landry?”

“Oh, um, it was…fine.” The guilt was starting to creep in.

“Just fine? She didn’t do another ultrasound, did she?” he asked when he noticed I tensed when he mentioned her visit. I had conveniently forgotten about her visit until he brought it up.

“No.”

“So, what did she say?”

I looked up into his eyes and knew I was about to be in serious trouble, but I sighed and pulled him close, knowing it was worth it. I was lazily tracing figure eights on his chest and I quietly said, “She said that I was dilated more than she would like.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means my cervix is already…”

“No, I get that. What do we do about it?”

“She put me on strict bed rest…”

“Okay,” he grinned down at me and said, “That doesn’t hurt my feelings.”

I took a deep breath and said, “I promised I’d never lie to you again…”

“Yeah?” he said cautiously, knowing I was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.             

“Don’t get mad, okay?”

“What did she say, Abby?” he asked, his mood quickly shifting from relaxed and happy to tense and stern.

“She also said that we’re not supposed to…do what we just did,” I cringed and prepared myself for his wrath.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me that?” he sat up and reached down and grabbed his pants and quickly put them on as if he could undo what we had just done.

“I tried, but you were pretty persistent…I was going to stop you, but then, well, you’re really hard to resist, and then I didn’t want to stop,” I said, looking ashamed, but unremorseful.

He was pacing the room, “What if I did something to hurt you or the baby? Abby, you have to listen to her! She’s not telling you that for the hell of it.” He threw his shirt on and grabbed his socks and headed out the door.

“Where are you going?” I yelled.

“To get Landry. I hope she’s still downstairs with Margot.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to make sure you’re both alright!”

“The baby’s fine and I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

He looked at me with those angry dark eyes and I said, “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. I did try, but you kept kissing me…”

“Are you sure you’re both alright?” he asked, softening.

I nodded.

He sighed and sat down next to me. “What else did she say?”

“She said that if I don’t make it to at least 37 weeks that I’ll have to deliver in the hospital.”

“Okay?”

“They’ll find me, Kellan.”

“So what? If Landry said you have to deliver in the hospital, then that’s what you’ll do. I won’t risk your life, or the baby’s life just to hide from
Nancy. You don’t have to worry about her, Abby. Don’t worry, she won’t be able to get this baby, and you’ll never have to go back there again. I promise. But, if you don’t want to deliver in the hospital, then you’ll have to follow her orders.”

I nodded. “I guess I’ll just stay in bed for the next two weeks. I don’t like it, but I’ll do it.”

“Maybe I should stay at my house…”

“NO! I’ll be good, I promise. Don’t leave me…”

“I just meant I’d sleep there, but I’ll be with you…”

“Kellan, I need you…here. Please don’t leave.”

He touched my cheek and said, “Okay, but we’re doing…or not doing…exactly what she said, okay?”

“Okay. I guess it’s only a couple of weeks. I waited all summer for you, I guess I can manage two weeks…maybe,” I sighed and looked away.

He grinned, “I have to suffer through it too.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have…this!” I said, outlining my huge belly with my hand.

“It’s beautiful, and so are you.”