The Guide to Getting It On (33 page)

The Lip Part of Erotic Massage

Women’s genitals have two sets of lips—the inner lips and outer lips. The inner lips attach to the glans of the clitoris. In erotic massage, much time should be spent with the inner and outer lips.

After lubing the area up, you might begin with one of the larger outer lips. Put your thumb and forefinger around the lucky lip, clasping it at the base where it attaches to your partner’s crotch. Then run your fingers or fingertip from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner finds it to be enjoyable.

Another form of genital massage is done by holding a lubricated lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the woman’s body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above her body, as though you had pulled them off the edge of a sheet of paper.

Dry Humping vs. Finger Fucking

There’s no reason why a woman shouldn’t lube up a favorite part of her lover’s body and rub against it with her vulva. This is known as dry humping. It was invented by Eve after she discovered that doing what the Devil taught her to do with Adam’s penis resulted in unwanted pregnancies.

Some women like to do this on a man’s back, thigh or hip. (There are women who think the penis would be more useful if it had been mounted on the front of man’s thigh instead of between his legs. There is a special dildo harness that mounts a dildo on the thigh, achieving this very feat in an amusing way.)

Some women enjoy using the head of a sweetheart’s penis for masturbating. This can be an invigorating experience for both partners. Even if the male doesn’t ejaculate, unwanted sex germs can be passed on, or the woman can get pregnant from such activity. You can greatly diminish these risks if the man is wearing a rubber that is well-lubricated.

If getting pregnant or sex germs aren’t a consideration, some women like to use a man’s ejaculate as a lubricant to masturbate with. This might be fun to do when he comes first. She might add some saliva or her own lube.

The Extra-Sensitive Clit

Some women have a clitoris that is super-sensitive to touch. Even the most sensitive of lovers would feel at odds with it. This kind of clitoris is not particularly forgiving. Make sure the woman is highly aroused before your fingers go near her clit, and be mindful of how quickly it can go from being too sensitive to totally numbing out. Also, try to become a master of indirect stimulation, e.g. is it better if you caress her crotch when she’s wearing blue jeans or underwear than when she’s naked?

Agony vs. Ecstasy

We recently had to take a friend to the emergency room. From another part of the ER there was a young man who was moaning in excruciating pain. He would pepper his moans with an occasional “Oh God.” If you had changed contexts and heard these exact moans coming from a bedroom window, you would have smiled in envy, sure the man was at the height of sexual ecstasy.

How is it that extreme pain and extreme sexual pleasure can sound identical? They certainly don’t feel the same, not for most of us anyway. It seems that the sounds we make when our bodies are spinning out of control are similar, whether we are spinning toward ecstasy or agony. Keep in mind that it may be difficult for a partner to know when you are feeling pleasure as opposed to pain. It’s up to you to help your partner learn the difference.

What Did You Discover?

It will take time to explore a woman’s genitals. Maybe you will find one special place to focus on, or maybe ten. You might want to stimulate these spots while having intercourse or oral sex. Experiment with different positions that will help you take advantage of what you have discovered. Or try stimulating an outer spot with your tongue while using your fingers to reach a spot that’s deeper inside. The sensations won’t necessarily pack the kick of a mule, but the overall effect can be pleasing.

Contradiction— Aquatic Sex Is Dry Sex

Many couples find it sensual to grope each other in the shower, hot tub, or bath. However, water washes away natural lubrication. For a non-intercourse grope in a hot tub, keep a plastic squeeze bottle of vegetable oil or oil-based lube next to the tub. Stand and lube the outside of your dry genitals with oil, then ease your way into the water. This will help keep your genitals slick and slippery during aquatic hand play. For intercourse while submerged, try silicone-based lube, but be very careful with how slippery silicone-based lube can be if it drips on the floor besides the hot tub.

Here are two advancements in hydrotechnology that have helped take the fingers out of aquatic fucking:

Hand-Held Shower Head:
If you don’t have one of these gadgets, consider getting one. It shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes to install, unless your plumbing is really rusty. Hop in the shower with your sweetheart and try out the various settings. Keep in mind that when you hold the shower head point-blank against the skin it causes the water to bubble somewhat like the jet on a hot tub. This might feel good. Don’t point a focused jet of water directly into a vagina, as it might force air inside the body, which can be dangerous.

Some men enjoy the feeling of the spray against the side of the scrotum. This might be one of those sexual experiences where the line between pleasure and pain is a fine but pleasant one.

Different brands of hand-held shower heads create different kinds of spray. You can find them for under $35. They often go on sale.

Powerjets in the Hot Tub:
Check with your hot-tub repair person about fitting an extension hose on one of the massage jets so you can direct the flow where you want. Tell him it is for your grandfather’s hydrotherapy. Cut the air to that jet so it won’t get into the vagina. Also, there are waterproof vibrators. These have only one conceivable purpose, yet the box shows a woman in a tub using the point of the vibrator against the side of her neck!

Winding Down

“The first time I felt a woman’s vagina was with my first love. We were taking things very slowly, and when I would ask if I could go down her pants, the answer was no. I respected her wishes and we always did something else, usually making out. One day she finally told me I could proceed below the waistline. It was warm and wet and very soft. The wetness of her vagina was the most exciting feeling I’d ever had.”
male age 25

For some men, putting their fingers between a woman’s legs is a moment of magic. There’s the woman’s warmth, the start of her wetness, and how her body sometimes tenses and squirms.

While you are considering new ways to pleasure your partner’s genitals, keep in mind that there are other parts of a woman’s body where touch produces intense sensation. One reader reports that his lover has an area on the small of her back that is so erotically charged that her knees nearly buckle when he caresses it. He once nearly caused her to orgasm in the middle of a busy hardware store by caressing this part of her back. Another reader is so sensitive to having her fingers touched that getting a manicure feels like a sexual experience. And sometimes, sensation happens purely by accident, like when you have been stroking those special spots on her body, playfully caressing her thighs and tugging on her inner lips, and suddenly, one just sneaks up on her. You weren’t trying to give her an orgasm; you were just kicking back, letting your fingers play and enjoy themselves.

Some women readers have intimated that their lovers do the same thing each and every time they make love. It never hurts to experiment with new ways to touch your partner, both with your fingers and with your heart.

Reader’s Advice on Playing with Their Vulvas

“I would first tell him to approach slowly. Having someone just dive straight towards where they think my clitoris is becomes overwhelming. I like to be teased, I like a slow and sensual working up to where they think my clitoris is. If they are totally in the wrong area (just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s my clit!) I have no qualms about giving directions.”
female age 22

“Wait until I’m really turned on and I’m practically shoving your hand down my pants. Then, gently play around and see what I respond to. Once you’ve found my spot, start out slowly with only a little pressure. Don’t focus exclusively on the spot, because that gets annoying, and it makes me less sensitive. As I get more turned on (which you can tell through body language like hip thrusting and my vocalizations), increase the speed but not the pressure.”
female age 22