Love, But Never (19 page)

              “Why can’t I ever seem to get enough of you?” Aaron whispered so softly, she barely heard it.

              “The feeling is mutual,” Marissa said, just as softly as she felt the quickening starting deep within her.

              “Oh, honey, let go,” Aaron growled, his teeth grazing her ear lobe.  The sensation overtook Marissa and she felt like she was falling.  He covered her mouth with hers to absorb her cries.  As her orgasm began to subside, Aaron pulled out of her suddenly and flipped her over.   Marissa pulled her knees up as Aaron rammed into her from behind.  She heard a sharp intake of breath whistling in his teeth.

              “Oh, fuck!” he groaned, running his nails down her back before wrapping her hair around his wrist and pulling her head back as he set a punishing rhythm. 

              “Pull harder,” Marissa roared, grinding her hips to meet his as she felt herself building again, wondering if she’d ever told him she liked the hair pulling.

              “Dammit, Marissa,” he yanked as she shattered again letting a string of obscenities fly, just in time for him to still above her and thrust inside her roughly one last time before letting his own string of obscenities loose and showering her back with kisses.  She winced as he pulled out of her and moved to dispose of the condom she didn’t realize he’d put on.
‘I should pay more attention to safety with Aaron, seems I can’t think of much when we are together.’
She thought, rolling over on to her back again to catch her breath.

              “How do you do that to me?” he lay down beside her and pulled her to him.  “Sorry if I got too rough with the hair.”

              “Not at all, I was trying to remember if I’d told you I like it,” she laughed.

              “You didn’t, but something told me to do it.”

              “I’m glad you listened to whatever that something was.  Damn!” Marissa said, her breathing finally under control again.

             
Ping!
Marissa moved to grab her phone from her night stand.

              “SHIT!” she said, sitting up and grabbing for her robe.

              “What is it?” Aaron asked, trying to read over her shoulder.

              “The guy I’m
kind of
seeing just saw Susan at a bar with her boyfriend.  He wants to know why I bailed on him,” Marissa rubbed her temples trying to come up with a good story.

              “You bailed on him?  Wow, this is some drama-full stuff, like
Fried Green Tomatoes
and shit,” Aaron kissed her neck.

              Marissa laughed, “I wouldn’t put it in those terms, but he’s my best friend and I lied to him so I could spend this time with you.”

              “Because he can’t make you feel like I do,” Aaron said with more passion than she’d ever heard from him.

             
Ping!

              “Now what?” Aaron asked, slipping his hand under her robe to find her breast again.  Slowly, he massaged one in his hand as Marissa felt him firm up again on her hip.

              “Susan covered.  She said she bailed on me because Alan was only going to be in town tonight and I’d come home from work early because I was sick.  Man, I love my roommate!” Marissa texted back a quick thank you message to Susan.

             
Ping!

              “Ooookay, I hate to cut this short, because it feels so good,” she moaned, arching her back into his hand, “But John just texted that he’s bringing me some orange juice and stuff.”

              “Grrrrr,” Aaron whined, “Damn him, ruining my fun with a girl who is perfectly healthy, save for the fear of telling the guy she has no business being with that she gets more satisfaction from
another
guy.”

              “My parents want us to be together more than anyone else I’ve ever met, so it keeps them happy and above everything, he’s my best friend,” Marissa tried to explain, “Remember, Willa?”

              “Right, we know how
that
ended. 
Also
because we couldn’t resist each other,” he laughed as he started to get dressed.  “I’d bring you orange juice when you are sick, too, you know,” he said, softly.

              “I didn’t know we had that kind of relationship,” she turned to him, surprised.

              “Well, I can’t spend this kind of time with you, if you are sick,” he tried to gloss over.

              “True.  I’d hate for you to lose your voice or something before a show and have it be because of me,” Marissa offered, pushing him toward the front door.

              “Call me tomorrow?” he asked before giving her one last kiss.

              “Of course,” she smiled, and closed the door behind him and ran to the bathroom to make sure she didn’t look too thoroughly just fucked.  When she met her eye in the mirror, she started to shake her head.

              “What am I
doing
?!  How can I possibly justify this to myself?  I know it’s not technically cheating, because John made it
PERFECTLY
clear that we aren’t together numerous times,” Marissa said to no one.

             
‘Yes, but you know that you’d lose John if he knew.  Is that what you want?’
her conscience nagged at her.

              “No!  He’s my best friend and I love him, so much.  I have to make this work!  If I can’t make it work with him, I’m going to end up a spinster with a hundred cats or something,” she told herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair down.  She made her best ‘I’m sick’ face and walked out into the living room to wait for John.

             
‘Are you sure?  Will you ever be able to say no to Aaron for John?  You haven’t yet…’

             
“Fuck!” Marissa said in realization, “maybe I can’t now, but I need to get John to commit, then it’ll be easier…won’t it?  Of course, it will; it has to!  My future and my place with my family depend on it!” she rushed through, pacing back and forth in the living room.  She ran to her room to grab a blanket, as she wrapped it around her shoulders, she heard a knock at her door.

              “Hey,” she answered in her most dismal voice.

              “Hey, sweetie,” John said, his voice full of childish sympathy, caressing her cheek with his free hand.  “I got you some orange juice, soup, and ibuprofen.”

              “Thank you, I’ll take the OJ and the soup,” she ushered him into the kitchen.

              “But you need the ibuprofen, too,” he pushed.

              “Not if I actually want to feel
better
.  If I want to be in pain tomorrow, though, it’d be perfect,” Marissa tried to keep the snark out of her tone.

              “Oh, I didn’t realize you couldn’t take it.”

              “It’s okay, you know, Crohn’s and non-steroidals, don’t mix,” she gave him an intentionally weak smile.

              “Go lay down, I’ll bring you some of the OJ.”

              “Okay,” Marissa shuffled slowly to her bedroom, keeping her posture hunched.

              She peeled back the covers on her recently disheveled bed and felt guilty for lying to John about being sick.  She frowned at the decision to be with Aaron and how it seemed completely involuntary, even though it was as natural as breathing.

              “You look like you feel miserable,” John said, bringing her the glass of juice.

              “I do,” she answered, honestly, the stress of the situation settled into her gut and a dull ache started to radiate through her.  “I hate to ask, but can you grab my codeine from beside the fridge?”

              “Sure,” John ducked out of the room and returned with two pills.  “Here,” he said, handing them to Marissa before sitting down beside her on the bed and stroking her hair.  Marissa’s stomach started to hurt even more as she downed the pills and turned her body into the crook of his shoulder.  John moved to lie beside her and pulled her into his arms so that her head lay on his chest.  Marissa felt comfort oozing from John and she began to drift off to a fitful sleep.

So the other day, I read on Aaron’s profile that he was single, but he does have one girl he thinks about. It’s weird because for a split
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to be me. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the way he kissed me the other night.  With his hands in my hair and on my face. He’d never kissed me like that before. I’d actually mentioned it to Susan…who is usually all knowing and even she came up empty. I’m sure it’s not me, not that I would do anything if it was me. Aaron is my fantasy, he can be nothing more than a fling. John is my reality. He’s my best friend, it has to be John. He came over and took care of me, even though I wasn’t
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up for the last time that I was, and he ignored me.

~8/30/01

CHAPTER 14

November 2001

             
Marissa walked into the small coffee shop in downtown Mesa and sat down on the green velvet couch facing the stage, which was built in front of the large storefront window.  Most of the customers and concert goers were wearing plaid; some sported different colored Mohawks and a plethora of tattoos and piercings.  Marissa felt out of place in her short yellow sundress.

              “Hey, got you a latte,” Marissa turned on the sofa as Aaron handed her a paper cup.

              “Thanks,” she smiled and took a sip. “Mmmm...,” she moaned.  “Delicious.”

              “You’re welcome,” Aaron laced his fingers with her free hand and placed it on his lap.  “I’m so glad you’re here, I’ve missed you so much.”

              “Hey man, it’s time to start our set!” Lucian slapped Aaron on the shoulder as John came up behind them.

              “Okay,” Aaron answered before turning to kiss Marissa.  “Yum!  Coffee breath.” He chuckled, getting to his feet and following Lucian and John to the stage.  Aaron started to sing and play his guitar, while John played the drums and Lucian played bass, but the music that came out sounded more like a polka than punk or even rock for that matter. 

The crowd loved it though and a tall, raven haired woman in a skin tight red dress brazenly walked toward the stage and stopped right in front of Aaron.  She swayed her hips to the beat and sunk her teeth into her full bottom lip, painted with harlot-red lipstick.  The woman started to shimmy in time with her hips and Marissa was afraid her ample bosom might pop out of the top of her dress.  Marissa narrowed her eyes at the woman who was obviously trying to capture Aaron’s attention.  Just as she was going to march over and claw her eyes out, Marissa looked into Aaron’s eyes and saw he was singing only to her- ignoring the gorgeous siren at his feet- and she relaxed.

After their set, the boys joined Marissa on the couch.  Aaron’s arm draped around her shoulders, her head rested in the crook of his arm.  She sighed, contentedly.

“Hey, I’m going to try to go score some, you guys need, too?” John asked, suddenly.  Lucian and Aaron looked alarmed at his question.

“What? I thought we’d agreed that you’d give that stuff up, John?” Lucian asked, concerned.

“It’s just pot, relax.  I thought we could all have a good time tonight,” John shrugged.

“No, thanks, man.  The lady and I aren’t into that kind of stuff, you know that,” Aaron’s arm tightened around Marissa’s shoulders.

“Fine,” John said, walking off in a huff as the coffee shop started to blare house music and customers started to dance around the couch.  Lucian and Aaron started talking beside Marissa, but she barely registered their words as she watched John gyrate around the floor with his shirt off, oblivious to the world around him.  The siren from the front of the stage approaches John on the dance floor and together they start to grind their hips together in a way that can only sort of qualify as dancing, but is only a thinly disguised way of dry humping on the dance floor.  Marissa averted her eyes, repulsed by the disgusting display when a snippet of Lucian and Aaron’s conversation drifted into her ears.