Love, But Never (18 page)

“You are doing better than I expected, but it’s been two months, you’ve made your point.  It’s time to end this ridiculousness,” her mother put down her fork and touched Marissa’s hand.

“Why do you want me home so badly?  If things are bad, you should leave, too,” Marissa offered, taking a sip of her water.

“They aren’t bad,” she brushed aside the comment, “but you should be home with your family.  We are very concerned that you are off giving the family name a reputation.”

“
What?!
  I’ve done no such thing!” Marissa said in disbelief.

“Jared says that he’s seen Tony, John, Lucian, and some guy he says is Aaron coming out of Susan’s at all hours of the day and night.”

“Is Jared stalking me now?” Marissa scoffed.

“His friend, Scott, lives down the street, so no,” her mother laughed.  “Besides, you didn’t answer the question.”

“First, Lucian and I are friends, same goes for Tony and me now.  But even so, Tony and I dated for almost a year, so some back slide is to be expected,” Marissa started.  “John is my best friend and how does Jared know who Aaron is?”

“He said he met him at the concert you took him to last year?” her mom answered, unsure.

“Oh yeah, right after Tony and I started dating,” Marissa said more to herself than her mother. “Aaron and I…that’s nothing.”

“How many of these guys are you sleeping with?” her mom accused.

“At the moment? Just John,” she answered.

“Great!  So you guys are finally together?  Should we invite him for a family dinner?” her mother grinned in barely contained excitement.

“I wouldn’t start picking out china patterns, yet!  We aren’t officially ‘together,’ just seeing where this goes.  I want to feel something for him other than friendship, but I’m not there.”

“Oh honey, I have no doubt that you can learn to love him!  This should be enough to get your father from insisting I try to get you to move home.  This is the best decision you’ve made in a long time.”

“Really?  And it’s being with someone I feel safe with, but don’t know if I can fall in love with?  Not making the dean’s list last semester or living on my own?” Marissa said, angrily.

“Oh, don’t be like that!  Of course those things matter, but finding someone to look after you…,” her mom had a far off look on her face.

“I think I’ve proven that I
can
take care of myself,” she defended.  “And with John, more often than not, I’m left wanting to take care of things myself.  And you know I don’t do that, so I’m mostly…unfulfilled…,” she added.

“How long do you think you can make it on your own?  Marissa, get real, you need John,” her mother slapped the table to make sure she had Marissa’s attention. “And if he’s getting his pleasure, then you can learn to take care of things on your own.  Sex is important to a relationship, but once you know each other better…that way, he’ll do things to help you out, I’m sure,” Leandra said, exasperated that Marissa seemed to be thinking only of herself and sex, “I just wish you’d learned how to cook; there is no way you are going to be able to keep him if you can’t take care of
all
of his needs while he’s taking care of you!”

“Wow!  Did you just channel Grandma there, mom?  I know enough, besides, I’m the one still in college- he quit, remember?  Don’t you think I’d be the one to take care of him while he cooks and cleans?”

“Don’t be silly.  This college business, I wanted it at one time, too.  You just have to get it out of your system,” her mother went back to picking at her lunch.

“So barefoot and pregnant?  Whatever you say, mom,” Marissa agreed, not wanting to argue anymore.

“I never said anything about pregnant, you need another year or so before you can even consider that.”

“Mom, I’m not having a baby at twenty-one or twenty-two,” she said, firmly.

“Whatever you say,
Marissa
,” her mother spat her words back at her.

**

AAndrews:
Marissa?

MMasterson:
Yeah?

AAndrews:
How’s it going?

Mmasterson:
  Not too bad, you?

AAndrews:
  Haven’t seen you around much lately?  Have you figured out my reward yet?

Mmasterson:
  HA!  I have a few ideas on how to reward you, but I’ve been super busy at work, Tony was on vacation for a week.  I was working 12 hour shifts.

AAndrews:
  Sounds brutal!

Mmasterson:
  It was!  I think I started to hallucinate at a certain point. 

AAndrews:
  HA!  I’m sure.

Mmasterson:
  Well, I worked 60 hours that week, plus it was the first week back to school.  I’m taking 15 credits.  Not to even mention the fact that I don’t sleep well normally.

Mmasterson:
  I think I was convinced I was a bee at one point.

AAndrews:
WOW!  I would’ve loved to have been there for that.  Sounds like you were out of it.

Mmasterson:
  Yeah, glad it was just for one week.  I don’t know how people do it regularly.

AAndrews:
  I’ll bet!

AAndrews:
  What are you up to tonight?

Mmasterson:
  Working 3-11 tonight.

AAndrews:
  And after?

Mmasterson:
Nothing yet, why?

AAndrews:
  Can I stop by for awhile?  Collect my reward?

             
‘Should I tell him about John?’
Marissa considered before answering.

Mmasterson:
I’m kinda seeing someone…

AAndrews:
Kinda?  Exclusive?

             
‘Hmmm, can I get away with this on a technicality?  I really want to…’
Marissa considered.  Her mom had told her she would learn to love John, but the sexual nature of their relationship left her wanton and unsatisfied.  She knew that Aaron could help her find the right track again.

Mmasterson:
  Well, no…

AAndrews:
  So, then, can I stop by for awhile?

              Marissa’s cell phone started to ring beside her.  Thinking it was Aaron calling to convince her further, she answered the phone with a chuckle, “I don’t know if tonight’s a good idea.”

              “How’d you know I was going to ask you to sleep over?” John laughed.

              “Woman’s intuition?” she lied.

              “So why is tonight not good?”

              “Um, Susan is leaving for the weekend tomorrow.  We had plans to watch a movie when I got home,” she blurted, not sure anymore why she was lying.   She’d meant to say no to Aaron, didn’t she?   Her eyes flickered to her computer screen.

AAndrews:
Marissa?  Are you there?

             
‘Shit!’
she thought, and started typing back, half listening to John talking about some plans he had for
his
weekend.

Mmasterson:
Yeah, sorry, phone rang, hang on.

AAndrews:
  Okay.

              “Oh that sounds like fun,” Marissa said, brightly, when she thought John was done talking.

              “Okay, so you don’t mind hanging out with Lucian and Taylor with me?  I figured I’d have a bigger fight on my hands with Taylor involved,” John laughed.

              “Oh,” Marissa’s voice faltered. “It’s okay, I’ll just have to grin and bear it, right?”

              “That’s my girl!  I’ll see you tomorrow then.  Sorry we can’t hang out tonight,” he said, glumly.

              “Me, too,” she said, willing her words to be the truth, even though she knew they weren’t.  “Talk to you later,” she finished, ending the call.

Mmasterson:
What time did you want to come over?

AAndrews:
Can I meet you at home, like 11:30?

Mmasterson: 
Make it 11:45, I have to pass off end of shift information and balance my cash drawer when Tony comes in.

AAndrews:
  See you then!

**

              At 11:45pm, exactly, Marissa’s phone rang, before she’d even had time to change from her work clothes.  She wondered if he’d waited around the corner and called her as soon as her butt hit the sofa.

              “I’m here,” Aaron said when she answered.  Marissa, practically, ran to the door.  She ushered him in quickly, hoping her brother wasn’t hanging out at Scott’s tonight.  She knew her parents would tell John she’d been with Aaron and he’d know she lied about being sick.  Once safely inside her bedroom, she sat on her bed to catch her breath.

              “Seriously?  Again?” Aaron laughed.

              “Eyes are everywhere,” she shrugged.  Aaron crossed to her and pulled her into his arms for a long hug.

              “Mmmm,” he moaned against her hair.  He moved his hands to frame her face, before sinking one of his hands into her long copper hair, his fingers slowly stroking her scalp.  Marissa couldn’t stop the shudder that reverberated through her body at the intimate contact.  He just stared into her blue eyes in awe.

              “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered, the hand not in her hair trailed down her body, leaving a searing path down to her hip, as he pulled her closer.

              “It’s only been two months,” she laughed, “not eleven…”

              “I don’t know how I’ve gone two weeks!” He flirted, as he rocked his hips into her.

              “I see why you’ve missed me so much now,” she giggled, blushing, but pushing her hips into him in response.  Aaron emitted a feral growl in the back of his throat and threw his head back before pulling her mouth to his roughly.  She kissed him back hard and felt a desperate-
something
- being poured into her from Aaron.  Was it lust? Something else? Marissa didn’t know, but she met his passion head on as his hands found their way into her hair again, fisting it and pulling it frantically.  Yet, it wasn’t painful like when her father pulled it out of anger.  This she didn’t mind, in fact, this was something she loved because she could control it and she knew that if she asked Aaron to stop, he would.

              “Oh my,
fucking,
God!” Marissa pulled away to catch her breath, moving her hands under Aaron’s shirt, skimming her fingers over his taut muscles.  Aaron growled in agreement as he nipped at her jaw and down to her neck.  His hands moved to cup her breasts under the gray polo she was still in from work.

              “Let’s get rid of this,” Aaron pulled at the hem of her shirt.  “I’m glad it doesn’t show off how hot you are to your customers.  I’d hate think of some lonely business man propositioning you.”

              Marissa just laughed at the idea, knowing that the shapeless shirt had not stopped those types of advances, as he peeled the shirt over her head.

              “Actually, that sounds hot,” Aaron said, going to work on the clasp of her bra, “I can’t believe we wasted your hotel room like that.”

              “Wasted, huh?” Marissa did her best to sound hurt by his words, but with his hands massaging her breasts, it was hard to be anything but turned on.  She knew her body betrayed her words as his tongue flicked her nipples.  “Here, I thought we made pretty good use of that bed.”

              “Oh honey, we did,” he pulled away to rip his t-shirt over his head.  Marissa trailed her fingers down his neck to his pecs, nipping at his ear and neck.  “But role playing and shit… I’d love to role play with you.”

              “Who would you want me to be?” she pulled out of his grasp and clasped her hands in front of her, demurely, and pushed her breasts together, trying to look as innocent as she could topless.  She fluttered her eyelashes and gave him a pout, a tendril of her hair falling over her eye.  Slowly, she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down, looking up at him through her lashes.

              “Fuck!” he growled, pawing at her knee length black skirt, unzipping it and pushing it to the ground.  “Not so innocent after all, huh?” he said in disbelief as his hand moved to the top of the thigh highs she wore under her skirt.

              “I’m not a fan of panty hose or anything around my belly button area.  I have to wear some type of hosiery under my skirts at work, unless they are ankle length,” she explained.  “They are a drug store special.  They aren’t silk or anything, but at least they’re pretty.” She rationalized.

              “
Pretty?”
He choked out, “Honey, these are downright sexy.  I don’t care if they were a blue-light special,” he said, his eyes still wide with the discovery.  Marissa smiled at the complement and started to unhook the studded belt on his pants.  He stopped her before she could finish.

              “Hang on a sec, let me catch up here,” he laughed, looking at her in nothing but her hosiery and Mary-Janes. 

              “I had no idea this would affect you so much!” Her hand groped at the bulge in his pants.

              “It’s any wonder I can’t stay away from you,” he moved to let her finish taking off his pants.  “Sometimes, I can think about nothing but how the weight of your breast feels in my hand.” He leaned in to whisper into her ear as he backed her onto her bed and took his position over her.  Marissa was happy he wasn’t putting up the pretense of foreplay anymore; he knew she couldn’t do it.  Her chest heaved in excitement.

              “Does the guy you’re
kind of
seeing make you feel like this?” Aaron asked her as he found his way inside of her.

              “Fuck no,” she growled, meeting his frenzied pace, desperate to come apart beneath him.

              “Then why are you wasting your time?  He’s not right for you.  They never are,” he slowed down considerably at his words, and brought his lips to hers again.  This time the kiss was more controlled, calculated, and it seemed to sear into Marissa’s soul.  “I had to slow down.  I need this to last,” he explained.  Marissa just moaned in response, wondering why sex doesn’t feel like this with John.  She concluded that they must care for each other too much to be this consumed by each other like this, or known each other too long.