Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1) (17 page)

    
“Would you like something to drink?”
 
She stood there fiddling with her hands.
 
I smiled to myself knowing how nervous she must be.

    
“Yes, thank you.
 
Oh, and these
are for you.”
 
I handed her the flowers I
finally remembered I had with me.
 
She
took them and as she walked away, I followed.
 
Under the kitchen sink, she pulled out a vase and ran water in it.
 
With the red roses now in place, she set it
on the dining room table.

    
“Wine okay?”
 
She asked while
taking two glasses from the cabinet.

    
“Perfect.”
 
I smiled, trying to
relieve some of her nervousness, but not being able to keep my eyes off her
probably wasn’t helping much.

****

    
Oh my God I can’t believe he’s here!
 
He seems so familiar but I can’t calm down enough to wonder why.
 
As I grab the wine bottle, I noticed my hands
were shaking.
 
I hope he doesn’t
notice.
 
He keeps staring at me and it’s
making me more uncomfortable.
 
Come on Lana, pull yourself together!
 
You’re a grown woman!
 
I kept trying to talk myself in to being
calm, but the truth is that I haven’t been on a date since I was seventeen
years old.

    
“
Carlana
.”
 
He was standing much closer to me now.

    
“Hmm?”
 
That was all I could get
out because he was entirely to close and his smell, it was so good it had me
closing my eyes and inhaling.
 
It was
very faint and lucky for me it wasn’t one that made me cough.

    
“Let’s just get this out of the way, shall we?”
 
What was he talking about?
 
When I looked up at him, he put one arm
around me while the other hand went under my chin. He kissed me the way I
hadn’t been kissed in a very long time.
 
His lips tasted like cinnamon and when his tongue sought out mine, I
thought my knees would give out.
 
The
room felt like it was spinning, and my stomach had a thousand butterflies
demanding to be let out.
 
It was all
consuming and it felt like it lasted forever, but actually, it was less than a
minute.
 
When it ended, I stood there
speechless, trying to stand, trying to breathe.
 
When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me, and smiling.
 
“That’s much better.
 
I’ve wanted to do that for two months
now.”
 
Taking one last deep breath, I
smiled back.

    
Letting out a nervous giggle, I finally poured us each a glass of
wine.
 
Looking at him, I could only say
one thing.
 
“Wow.”
 
He laughed at that.

    
“Wow, that’s one way to put it.”
 
He accepted his glass and took a sip. Looking around, he noticed the
baked potatoes and steaks sitting on the counter, along with rolls and salad.
 
“That looks and smells delicious.”

    
“I almost forgot!
 
Come, sit
down.
 
I just took the steaks off the
grill and we need to eat them while they’re hot.”
 
I took his hand and led him to a chair at the
table.
 
I then placed a plate in front of
him and then I fixed my own.
 
Grabbing
the butter and sour cream from the refrigerator, I asked, “Can you think of
anything else we need?”

    
“No, it looks perfect.”
 
Taking a
bite of his food, he moaned while he chewed.
 
I watched, captivated.
 
“
Carlana
, this is the best steak I’ve ever ate.”

    
“Thank you, and please call me Lana.”
 
I took a bite of my own steak.

    
“I really like the name
Carlana
, besides
that’s what I’m used to. Is that okay?”
 

    
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
 
I said
smiling and then we ate in a comfortable silence.

    
Finishing up, I gathered our plates and put them in the sink.
 
Standing there with my back to him, I didn’t
know he walked up behind me until he put his hands on my shoulders and started
massaging them.
 
“You’re so tense.”
 
He said as he rubbed them.
 
I let my head fall forward to give him better
access.
 
“I’m sorry if I made you this
tense.”
 

    
“It’s okay.
 
It feels so
good.”
 
I wasn’t kidding. I had to stop a
moan that wanted to slip from between my lips.
 
He swept my hair to the side, exposing my
neck.
 
Letting his hands slide down my
arms, he bent his head to kiss the side of my neck.
 
As unfamiliar feelings tumbled through my
body, I let out a moan as cold chills crept up my arms.
 
He then let his hands run down the side of my
breast to my hips and I thought I’d cum right there.
 
I was putty in his hands and he probably knew
it.
 
When his hands and mouth left my
body, and he took a step back, I knew he was trying to control himself.
 
I took a few calming breaths and then turning
to him I said, “Let me pour us some wine and we can sit on the porch.”

    
“Sounds good.”
 
By the sound of
his voice, I could tell he was just as bothered as I was.

    
Five minutes later I asked, “Did you have any trouble finding me?”

    
“No, the GPS led me straight here”,
  
I handed him is wine and then led him to the back porch.
 
It had a swing, and little loveseat, and a
chair.
 

    
As he sat on the loveseat, I took a seat on the swing.
 
“So what do you think?”

    
“I think you’re beautiful!”
 
I
blushed, I couldn’t help it.

    
“I meant about the area.”

    
“It’s also beautiful.
 
Very
peaceful.
 
Very isolated.”
 
I laughed.
 
Everyone thought I lived in the middle of nowhere.
 

    
“Yes, it is.
 
Maybe later I’ll
give you a tour.”
 
I grinned as I took a
sip of wine.

 
   
“I’d like that.”

    
“Do you mind if we go out for drinks tonight?
 
Austin is playing for the first time at The
Old Mill and I told him I’d try to catch his show.
 
It’s his first one.”
 
I was holding my breath, hoping he’d
agree.
 
I really wanted to see his first
performance.

    
“I don’t mind at all.
 
I’d love to
watch it, watch him.
 
I feel as if I know
him already after the way you’ve talked about him.”

    
“Thanks.”
 
I took a sip of wine
while trying to collect my thoughts. “I’ve been patient the last two months,
but now I need some answers.”
 
I said in
a gentle voice with a smile on my face.
 
However
, no
was not an option
right now.

    
He sighed, “I understand.
 
What do
you want to know?”

    
I thought about all the things I had wondered about the last two months,
but one thing was on the forefront of my mind.
 
“How did you get my name and number?”

    
“From the clinic.
 
I know that
they’re not supposed to give it out, but I persuaded them.”

    
Clinic?
 
What clinic?
 
I went over everything that had happened, if
I had been sick and then it clicked.
 
“Oh
my God!
 
The clinic from New York?”
 
I moved closer looking at him.
 
I saw it then, the faint scar from where the
stitches had been, those deep blue eyes staring at me, even his hard chest when
I placed my hand on him.
 
I stumbled back
to my seat.
 
My hand covered my mouth as
tears came to my eyes.
 
“You’re him?
 
You’re the guy that I took care of?”
 
I couldn’t help but stare.
 
His face was so swollen and bruised it’s no
wonder I didn’t recognize him.
 
But those
eyes, I should have known him by his eyes.
 

    
“I am.
 
I don’t think I ever
thanked you for that so I’m thanking you now.”

   
Laughing, I said, “I remember you were an asshole after you woke up.”

    
“And I remember being called an asshole the first time I called you.”

    
“Well, if the shoe fits…”
 
I
laughed.
 
“Seriously though, how long did
it take you to get better?
 
You were in
really bad shape, especially in the beginning.”

    
“It took a while.
 
So much has
happened, but we have plenty of time to talk about that.”

    
“Do you remember what happened?
 
I
always wondered but finally just assumed you were mugged.”

    
“You are right.
 
I had just came
out of the bar after having a couple of drinks when three men jumped me a
dragged me down the alley.
 
They never
asked for anything, they just beat the shit out of me and took everything.

    
“That’s awful!”

    
“How did you find me, and how on earth did you move me?
 
I don’t remember much.”

    
“I was walking down the street when I heard you moan.
 
I could tell you were hurt by the sound of
your voice.
 
I couldn’t
not
help, but I’ll admit, walking down
the alley scared the shit out of me.
 
I’ve never been so scared in my life.
 
You were still somewhat awake and I convinced you to stand and
walk.
 
I took a lot of your weight, but I
couldn’t lift you.
 
You should have seen
the cabbie’s face as I tried to convince him to let us in.”
 
I laughed.
 
“After the clinic, I didn’t have a clue where to take you or who to
call, and once they gave you pain medicine, you were out.
 
I barely managed to get you to my hotel room
before the pain med started working.”

    
“Thank you.”
 
He said with such
sincerity, I blushed.

    
“You’re welcome.”

Can We
Try?

    
I sat on the back porch sipping my wine.
 
It felt so different here, so quite.
 
The trees surrounded us and there was a birdfeeder near the edge of the
yard. It had a constant flow of red and yellow birds eating from it.
 
There was a red feeder hanging from the porch
and the tiny birds zipped in and out and even fought with each other nearly
hitting us.
 
“I hate to admit this, but
what kind of birds are those?”
 
I nodded
to the red feeder.

    
“Oh, those are hummingbirds.
 
They
provide a lot of entertainment.
 
If you
watch, you’ll notice there is one that is dominant and tries to keep all the
other birds off the feeder.
 
She’ll set
and watch and if one lands, she’ll swoop down and try to fight the other.
 
The other birds are nervous and are always on
the lookout.
 
Watch.”

    
I sat there watching, completely fascinated with the tiny little
things.
 
Carlana
was right, I could tell which one was dominant, and which ones were
nervous.
 
Looking back at her, I caught
her staring at me and I needed to be near her.
 
Standing up, I moved over to the swing.
 
I felt her tense up when I sat down beside her, shoulders touching
shoulders.
 
“Do I make you nervous?”
 
I whispered in her ear.

    
“Yes.”
 
I barely heard her speak.

    
“Why do I make you nervous?”
 
She
just shrugged. “
Carlana
, I like you a lot.
 
For the last two months, I’ve looked forward
to talking to you.
 
You are always on my
mind.”
 
Turning toward her, I took her
hand in mine.
 
“I would like us to date.”

    
“But you live in New York.”
 
I
could tell she was extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t know why.
 
Sometimes she was an open book and sometimes,
like now, she was a total mystery.

    
“I do.
 
It’ll be tricky at first,
but it’s nothing we can’t work out.”

    
“I don’t date.
 
I mean, I don’t
know how to date.”
 
Stuttering, “Ah, I
mean..ah
”
 
She let
out a deep breath.
 
My heart was
pounding, thinking she was saying no.

    
“Please, can we try?”
 
I don’t
think I’ve ever said please in my life, but she was different, this was
different.
 
She didn’t know how important
she had become to me already.

    
“What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know how to date.”
 
There, she said it.
 
As embarrassing as she felt about it, he
needed to know.

    
“What do you mean?”
 
What is she
talking about?
 
She’s thirty-five and
gorgeous.
 
Surely, she has dated before.

    
“In high school.”
 
I had to really
listen to hear her.
 
“Graysen was the
first and only boy I dated.
 
I ended up
pregnant, and then later married and I have never dated anyone since.
 
That’s what I mean by I don’t know how.”
 
She sat there with her eyes downcast and her
face red.
 
I thought my heart would
explode with happiness.
 
This beautiful,
honest, funny woman has somehow remained untouched from the lies and games that
most women… and men play.

    
Cupping my hands on her cheeks, making her look at me, my heart almost
stopped at the vulnerability I saw shining back in her glistening eyes. I knew
I had to be open and honest with her if I was to ever have a chance.
 
“
Carlana
, I have
not been a good person.”
 
As her eyes
widened, I hurried on.
 
“But just talking
to you the last couple of months have made me a better person.
 
Even Matt has said so.”
 
She smiled at me and I felt a little
relief.
 
“You know how my parents are,
and I’ve never really cared about anyone… until now.”
 
Good, she’s listening.
 
“I know there is still a lot we don’t know
about each other, but can we try?
 
We can
take it slow if that’s what you want to do.”
 

    
I sat there holding my breath as I searched her eyes for some clue as to
what she was thinking.
 
“Yes.”
 
She whispered and everything that had stood
still in me started working double time.
 
I leaned in as my mouth sought hers, my tongue tracing her lips until
they parted. When my tongue found hers, their mating dance began.
 
With my arms wrapped around her, I pulled her
in tight and deepened the kiss. We kissed until our breathing became rugged and
we had to come up for air.
 
Sex with
random women didn’t feel as good as one kiss with
Carlana
.
 
I would never have thought that emotions
would make things so much better.

    
“We can try.”
 
She said a little
more confident.
 
“I need you to know that
it will not be easy for me Colin.”
 
What
was she talking about?
 
“I like you a
lot, but you might have to be patient with me.
 
The first week when you were calling, I felt so guilty that I almost
told you not to call anymore.
 
Megan told
me it was normal to feel that way and made me understand that it was okay, but
I still sometimes feel guilty.”

    
“I don’t understand, what do you feel guilty about?”

    
“I feel like I’m betraying Graysen.”
 
She closed her eyes as a tear slipped out.
 
I never even considered this as a
problem.
 
What would it be like to have
someone love you so much?
 
I was a selfish
bastard most of the time,
well
all of the time except
with her and as crazy as it sounds, that made me want her more.
 
I wanted what Graysen had, still has.

“We’ll go slow.”
 
I said as I gave her another hug.