Until I Love Again (4 page)

“
Yah
,
Mamm
.” Susanna stopped so
Mamm
could inspect her dress.

“Go.”
Mamm
motioned toward the front door. “You look decent enough. And be sure to stay with Henry.
Daett
has told him to watch over you.”

Susanna suppressed a protest and ran for the door. The screen door slammed behind her. The sound was rebellious, like how she felt inside. All week she had acted humble and submissive in front of
Mamm
. What a bundle of contradictions she had become, so unlike her former self. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be stable like her brothers? She had taken chances in her
rumspringa
time that none of them had.

As she approached, Henry leaned out of the buggy and grumbled, “I'm not like a boyfriend that you can keep waiting.”

“Sorry,” Susanna muttered. She climbed in and shoved her shoes under the buggy seat.

Henry shook the reins and called out, “Getup, Ranger.” When the horse had settled into a steady trot, he gave Susanna a sharp
sideways glance. “You can put those shoes on now. I'm not arriving at the gathering with a sister in her bare feet.”

“In a moment,” Susanna said. “I have a question first. What's different about me, Henry? Sometimes I feel so rebellious, and none of you boys are like that.”

Henry smiled. “Don't worry. It's just a rough spot, I suppose. You'll settle down now that Ernest is making eyes at you. I saw you give him at least one smile at the service last Sunday. That's
goot
. I hope you gave him lots more that I didn't see.”

“You just imagined that,” Susanna protested. “If I remember right, I didn't look at him all day.”

“Oh? There's not another widower you're making eyes at, is there?” Henry said with a grin.

Susanna made a face at him.

Henry laughed. “Ernest is a
goot
catch, you know. And those little girls of his, they are cuter than buttons.”

“You've noticed his girls?” Susanna asked.

Henry snorted. “
Yah
, of course! They sit on Ernest's lap each Sunday. Naturally I'm interested in the man my sister will marry and the daughters that will become my nieces.”

“You're such a dear, brother,” Susanna teased, reaching over to slap Henry's arm.

“Hey,” he protested.

“Sorry.” Susanna gave him a sweet smile. “Like I said, I'm still feeling a little rebellious.”

Henry sighed. “You'll come to love Ernest soon enough.” He jerked his head with all confidence and pulled Ranger to stop for the turn onto Highway 17.

“I'm not so sure about that,” Susanna muttered under her breath. She reached under the buggy seat for her shoes and put them on while Henry drove toward Heuvelton.

“That's better,” Henry said once she was finished. “Now we're ready to face the big wide world this evening.”

“What if Joey looks for me tonight?” Susanna asked. “I mean, he could. He knows where the Amish youth hang out.”

Henry's face clouded over. “You'll tell him you're spoken for, and that's that.”

“But I'm not spoken for. And I like Joey…as a friend,” Susanna said.

Henry gave Susanna a stern look. “That's not the way to talk, and you know that.”

“Sorry, I can't help it,” Susanna said. “It's my rebel nature. I have all these desires inside me for forbidden things. How come you don't? How come you were able to leave your
rumspringa
time behind so quickly?”

Henry's voice was steady. “It was easy. There's nothing out there in the
Englisha
world for us, Susanna.” He waved his empty hand toward the approaching city lights. “That's what
rumspringa
is for. We're to settle the matter in our hearts.”

“Then why is it not settled in mine?” Susanna glared toward the town. “You know I've tried.”

“
Yah
, I do,” Henry assured her. “And
Mamm
and
Daett
also understand. This is only a storm that will soon pass.”

Susanna kept silent.

Henry finally cleared his throat. “Maybe we should both think about joining the baptismal class in two weeks. I'd be willing to attend if you will.”

Susanna sat up straight. “You would? For my sake?”

“Of course.” Henry's grin was lopsided. “I was ready anyway. I've seen plenty of what's out there.”

“You're such a dear, Henry, and so kind.” Susanna sighed. “Why can't I be like you?”

“You're close enough,” Henry said. “You're just a little different, but that's okay. Ernest will get a decent
frau
when he weds you this fall, and you'll be happy with the man for all the days the Lord gives you together. You'll raise those little girls up to melt some man's heart someday.”

Susanna gave him a sharp glance. “Did
Daett
tell you to say all this? You're not usually this talkative.”

Henry elbowed her playfully. “That's because you've never driven with me before on a Saturday night. Look what you've been missing out on.”

“How do you know I'm the one who's been missing out on Saturday nights?” Susanna teased.

Henry gave her a wry look. “I don't think I like the direction of this conversation. Promise me that you'll join the baptismal class with me.”

“I'll think about it,” she said. “And don't worry. I'll behave tonight…wherever we're going. And where
are
we going?”

“Just the usual,” he chuckled. “But I guess you've forgotten what the usual is?”

“Like
boring
,” Susanna said. “Let's see, you'll drive around town for a while and then stop and eat hamburgers with other Amish young people.”

Henry grunted. “And what's wrong with that? Don't you like hamburgers?”

Susanna rolled her eyes. Henry had obviously experienced little of what she had in the
Englisha
world, but that was because he was one of the decent Amish young people.

“You'll enjoy yourself tonight,” Henry encouraged her. “Think of the evening as the last look before the door closes on the glitter of the
Englisha
world.”

Susanna winced, but said nothing as Henry tightened Ranger's
reins once they approached the edge of Heuvelton. Several other buggies appeared from the side roads and fell in line behind them. Susanna waved over her shoulder, and the girls inside returned the greeting with smiles on their faces.

How happy they all were. Why couldn't she be happy with them? Deep down she knew the answer. She wanted to see Joey, not the other Amish young folks…but tonight she couldn't do anything about that. She would have to make the best of things. Susanna waved toward several more of the buggies and forced herself to smile. Surely Joey would understand. He was familiar enough with Amish ways to figure it out.

“We're stopping for hamburgers at the Heuvelton Deli,” Henry announced. “Then we'll drive down to the river and eat them along the water's edge.”

“That's okay with me,” Susanna agreed. But the word
boring
was on the tip of her lips.

“Here we are,” he announced minutes later. “Heuvelton's finest fast food at your service.”

Ranger pulled to a stop, and Susanna gasped. Surely this couldn't be… Was that Joey's car she saw?
Yah!
And there he stood with his arms crossed, wearing the biggest smile she had seen in a long time.

Somehow he had found out their plans and had come to look for her. She couldn't stop her heart from pounding like Ranger's hooves on the open road.

Chapter Four

S
usanna hesitated at the restaurant door. Joey hadn't approached her even after her smile of welcome. Henry had tied Ranger securely and had followed her toward the entrance. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” she told him. “I'm okay.”

Henry didn't appear convinced. “If you want to, we can stay here instead of going down to the water with the others. Whatever makes you happy.”

Susanna nodded, but she didn't move. Why hadn't Joey come over to greet her? Maybe Joey knew she was uncomfortable with Henry along. Maybe he even thought Henry wasn't her brother. Susanna took a deep breath.

“I need to speak with someone. I'll be right back,” she said, and scurried off.

“Who?” Henry hollered after her.

Susanna didn't pause to answer amid her dash across the parking lot.

Joey turned toward her as she approached. “So I'm not going to be ignored,” he teased. “I thought for a moment you had gone into hiding.”

“I'm sorry, Joey,” Susanna said. “Things have come up, but I can explain.”

“Dating someone?” he asked with a glance toward Henry, who was still standing by the restaurant door with a frown on his face.

“That's my brother,” Susanna whispered. She forced a smile. “Would you like to meet him?”

Joey glanced around at several of the Amish young people who had paused in the parking lot and were now beginning to stare at them. “Things feel a little tense around here all of a sudden,” he said. “Maybe we could get away somewhere.”

Susanna tried to laugh. “Oh, they won't bite. Come, I want you to meet my brother Henry and some of the others.”

Joey shrugged and followed her across the parking lot. Henry was still frowning, but Susanna ignored him and said, “This is Joey, Henry. And Joey, my brother Henry. He was kind enough to bring me into town tonight.”

Questions danced in Joey's eyes, but he only nodded and greeted Henry. “Good evening. How are you?”

Henry hesitated. “Fine,” he finally said, “and a
goot
evening to you.”

Henry led the way inside while Joey held the door for Susanna.

“We're going down to the water's edge after we've purchased food to eat,” Susanna said. “You want to come along?”

“Sure!” Joey's face brightened. “Sounds like a great plan, and I'll get to partake in a little Amish life.” Joey looked over his shoulder at several of the Amish young people who had entered behind them. They chattered to each other in Pennsylvania Dutch, and Joey grinned. “But then there's Amish talk. You'll have to speak my language when I'm in earshot—none of this German stuff when you address me.”

Henry kept his back turned and acted as though he didn't hear
Joey's prattle. Susanna smiled but kept quiet. She didn't know what to say. Henry's response to Joey had been understandable, but the others were showing their disapproval even more distinctly. What was wrong with everyone? She was still on her
rumspringa
and had done nothing excessive. She hadn't sought Joey out in the past week, nor had she tonight. Besides, they were only friends, so there was no reason for everyone to act this way. Maybe she should just leave with Joey.
Daett
would be upset, but Henry wouldn't be blamed. But she'd better not. She was rebellious, but not that rebellious.

Susanna kept her gaze away from the others as she stood behind Joey and waited to order.

Henry had already placed his order and was still frowning. Maybe Joey was right. They should go find a place they could talk. She couldn't leave Henry to drive home alone though. How would she get home? If Joey took her home, that would spell disaster.
Daett
might confront Joey. She didn't want that, so she would have to settle for something less. Maybe Joey could go down to the river with them, if the others—

“Hey, your turn!” Joey whispered.

Susanna jumped. “Sorry. I was daydreaming.”

“What would you like, miss?” The young man behind the counter appeared amused.

“The same as him,” Susanna said, not caring. She couldn't even remember what Joey had ordered, but his choices were always delicious.