Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (8 page)

You will say to her: “Oh Baby, it makes me feel so close to you when you feel this pleasure that I am giving you. The more pleasure you feel, the closer it makes me feel to you.”

She will follow your commands to accept the pleasure because she wants you to feel even closer to her.

Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands have used brain scans of women to show that the areas of the brain involved in fear and anxiety are deactivated during orgasm. This comes as no surprise to us. It is a requirement for orgasm. She must feel safe, and she must feel reassurance in order to have an orgasm.

Most women who have not yet had an orgasm are women who are unable to surrender to the pleasure that they are feeling in their body. That could be due to a number of reasons, but it usually goes back to some fear or anxiety around sexuality. So you must make it such that she continues to feel safe and reassured with you.

Even before she gets to the point of feeling any fear or anxiety, you must make her feel safe and assured. Say to her: “Baby, I love giving you pleasure. I feel so close to you. I am here for you Baby. I am here for you to feel safe with me. Feel reassured that I am here for you Baby.”

Then continue the stimulation.

As she starts getting close, she will start feeling a loss of control. This can be very scary to a woman who has not yet had an orgasm. You must distract her from her own concerns about the intense pleasure that she is feeling that is making her feel a loss of control. You do this by giving her a task to perform.

Say to her: “Baby, it pleases me when you feel the pleasure I am giving you. The more pleasure you feel, the more it pleases me.”

Now you set up for the final drive.

Say to her: “Do you feel safe with me Baby?” She will say yes. Then say: “Do you trust me Baby?” She will say yes.

Now go for it. Continue the stimulation firmly. “Now I want you to surrender to me Baby. I want you to surrender completely to the pleasure I am giving you Baby. Surrender to me completely. Give yourself over to me completely Baby!”

Since she has fear and anxiety about surrendering to pleasure of her own body,

Take on the responsibility. As she feels more pleasure, continue to remind her to surrender to you.

If she does as you instruct, she will continue to orgasm.

After her orgasm subsides and she settles back down, hold her close and say: “Baby, I feel so close to you. I just cannot hold you close enough.” This is her reward for following your commands.

Do not mention anything about orgasms unless she does. If she does, go ahead and discuss it with her.

Once she has her first deep spot induced vaginal orgasm, use subsequent evenings in the bedroom to rub less of her deep spot and more of the rest of her vagina, such as her G spot, or the back wall of her vagina. This awakens her vagina even more.

Once she has a vaginal orgasm, it is very easy to give her a clitoral orgasm. Use the welcomed method the first time, as most likely no man has ever done that to her before.

Now you are ready to give her an orgasm in intercourse.

On that night, spend the evening making her feel very special. Make sure the emotional intimacy is very strong. Then in bed, get her really close with clitoral stimulation. But before she comes, move to deep spot stimulation. Bring her up close to an orgasm again, and stop before she has an orgasm. Now she is very close and ready. Put on a condom, which signals to her that you are preparing to have intercourse, and then with her consent you have intercourse.

The first time a woman has an orgasm in intercourse is a very powerful emotional experience for her. After she has an orgasm in intercourse, she may even weep with overwhelming emotions. Hold her close and make her feel safe and assured.

All of the above was about distracting her from her own concerns, insecurities, and self limiting beliefs, by giving her another task to perform, while the goal was simply to receive pleasure. But YOUR goal was to give her an orgasm.

All of the above can be used on a woman who is dependent on clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. For such a woman who has clitoral orgasms, but has never had a vaginal orgasm, she probably thinks that she is not one of the “lucky ones.” But at least you do not have to overcome fear and anxiety over having AN orgasm.

You can use the above to give her her first vaginal orgasm. Again, you simply give her pleasure for the sake of pleasure. The motivation is emotional intimacy.

You distract her self limiting belief that she cannot have a vaginal orgasm by giving her the task of pleasing you.

You drive it home by having her occupied with surrendering to you.

That last part will be much easier because she has already had clitoral orgasms.

If nothing works, you are eventually going to have to mention orgasms, and her lack of having them. But do NOT blame it on her mind or her sexual organs.

One possibility is to blame it on her PC muscles.

The PC muscles are the pelvic floor muscles that connect from the pubic bone to the tail bone. They can be strengthened by Kegel exercises. See the chapter “Kegel Exercises.”

A study in 1979 by Graber and Graber found that women who have not had an orgasm are women who had weak PC muscles. Women who had clitoral, but not vaginal orgasms, had stronger PC muscles.

Women who had both clitoral and vaginal orgasms had even stronger PC muscles.

Women who were multi-orgasmic had even stronger PC muscles.

Later a study by Perry and Whipple found that women who could squirt had even stronger PC muscles.

That may or may not be your woman’s reason for lack of orgasms, but if her lack of orgasms is due to mental issues, you now have a task to occupy her as you get around her own self limiting beliefs.

You can lead her through a program of exercising her PC muscles. She will become engaged in the program and believe that by exercising her PC muscles, she will then have orgasms. She can blame her PC muscles for her problem, and her PC muscles she can do something about. As she is strengthening her PC muscles, she becomes more excited about her impending ability to orgasm. This gives her subconscious mind something to believe in. This can result in her becoming orgasmic.

And if her PC muscles really were the problem, that problem is solved.

See the chapter called “Kegel Exercises.”

If nothing you do results in giving her an orgasm, then you are in a very difficult situation.

For one thing, do not come inside her in intercourse. If you do, then you are just like all the guys before you. Lame sex will get associated to you, just like it did to all the guys before you.

Now you are not going to be able to avoid intercourse with her all together, because she wants you to make love to her. She would be insulted if you didn’t. But if you come inside her, you are just like all the other guys. You have an orgasm from intercourse and she does not.

Instead, before you finish, pull out and do something else. You could masturbate and give her a facial, or you could have her finish you off with her mouth. But do NOT come inside her vagina. That is

reserved for when she becomes vaginally orgasmic and can actually have an orgasm in intercourse.

If you do not bring her to orgasm, for whatever reason, you have a decision you have to make about the relationship. If she is never going to have an orgasm in intercourse, sex will never be completely fulfilling for her.

There is one absolute way to ALWAYS give a woman an orgasm. You can simply hypnotize her and simply TELL her to have an orgasm, and she will INSTANTLY have an orgasm. If you have the guts to use hypnosis, then get
David Shade's Manual
.

There are three main positions for intercourse: “missionary,” “doggy style,” and “woman on top.”

In Missionary, the woman lies on her back, and the man lies on top of her facing her. Missionary is good for intimacy. It is the best to start with.

In doggy style, the woman is on her hands and knees, and the man is on his knees behind her. Doggy style is good because it is animalistic.

In woman on top, the man lies on his back and the woman sits on top of him. Woman on top is liked by those women who have to rub her clitoris on her man’s abdomen in order to have an orgasm.

Most all other positions are variations of the main three. The important thing to remember is that sexual position does NOT bring out the sexual potential in her. It has to do with many other things.

Certainly, during intercourse, be sure to talk dirty to her. Concentrate on her, and it will distract you from your own pleasure. For effective ways to talk dirty to her, see my audio CD:
The Art Of
Sexy Dirty Talk
.

I cannot say enough about Taoist Thrusting. It is extremely exciting for the woman. You absolutely need to be doing this.

It is actually called "The Nine Steps of the Taoist Thrust Method." Its origin is in ancient Taoist sexuality. It was further refined by the seventh-century physician Li Tung-hsuan Tzu. It will drive her crazy.

When you enter her, slowly slide all the way in, then pull almost all the way out, and stop. Count 9 short strokes of an inch and a half penetration, then one long stroke. Then count 8 short and two long. Then 7 and three, and so on, until you do 1 short and 9 long. Then start over again. Be sure not to pull out so far as to loose the vacuum.

I know it sounds funny to have to count while having intercourse, but I assure you, it will be worth it.

This is a very basic layman’s introduction to Tantric sex that can be done without practicing a long series of complicated rituals.

This exercise assumes that your woman is vaginally orgasmic.

Take care of that first.

In Tantra, the goal is to extend the orgasm without “falling over the edge.” Tantra also brings both people in touch with each other’s “energy.”

Whether energy is real or not is not part of this discussion. But for this discussion, assume that the concept of “energy” can be used to model certain phenomenon.

In order to extend the orgasm, Tantra requires three things:

1. Allow the sexual pleasure to travel from the genitals, up through the torso, and into the head.
   

2. Allow the sexual pleasure to fill the entire body while at the same time allowing the entire body to remain completely relaxed.
   

3. Maintain the ecstasy indefinitely.
   

This is similar to what I described in “The Welcomed Method.” You tell your woman to remain relaxed, and that the more relaxed she becomes, the more pleasure she feels, and the more pleasure she feels, the more relaxed she becomes, etc.

But in this, use the deep spot and a slight variation on the narration. Use the deep spot in order to associate vaginal stimulation to the Tantric narration so that she can more easily do this again later in intercourse.

Have your woman lie on her back with her legs straight but slightly separated. This will prevent her leg muscles from getting tired, which would distract her.

Make sure that she is very relaxed.

Then gently massage her deep spot. As she begins to get aroused, and possibly starting to hold her breath, tell her to relax and to breathe

normally. Make sure she completely relaxes. If she doesn’t, then slow down the stimulation and remind her again.

Then as you continue the stimulation, say to her: “Let the pleasure fill your entire body, and as it does, it completely relaxes your entire body. As your body is consumed with pleasure, it only serves to relax your entire body even more.”

“As your entire body becomes even more relaxed, it becomes consumed with even more pleasure. As your body is consumed with incredible pleasure, it relaxes you even more.”

Make sure that she stays relaxed. She will certainly be feeling incredible pleasure.

Then move the pleasure into her head: “Feel the pleasure travel up your body and into your head. Let it completely fill your mind. As your mind is completely consumed with pleasure, it relaxes your body even more. And as you are completely relaxed, feel the pleasure travel up your body and into your head, and let it completely fill your mind.”

You will be able to gauge her level of arousal by the feedback you will feel in your finger from her vagina. Her vagina will be slightly contracting. This is what is called an “orgasmic” state. It is not “coming” which is the “going over the edge.”

Remind her to remain completely relaxed. So long as she is relaxed, she will not be able to “come.”

Continue to talk to her while continuing to gently massage her deep spot. Her vagina will continue to gently contract, but her vagina will not go into the powerful contractions synonymous with “coming.”

This can go on for some time. If you can get her to go for 15 minutes, then she is feeling total peace and continuous ecstasy.

No doubt she has never felt this before.

You can continue this for as long as she remains lubricated and does not become irritated from the rubbing of your finger.

At this point you can do something that is really novel, if you are up for it, and if you really do command respect with her.

Say to her: “Now, as you remain completely relaxed, as you continue to breathe normally, I want you to come. Come now. As you

remain completely relaxed and continue to breathe normally, I want you to come on the inside. Come for me Baby. Come now, as you remain completely relaxed, as you continue to breathe normally.”

Instruct her to come, but also insist that she remain completely relaxed. This will cause a very bizarre orgasm for her. Her orgasm will be very intense, and she may even hallucinate bright colors.

No doubt she has never experienced that before.