The Guide to Getting It On (65 page)

For Parents—Foreskin Care

Do not try to retract the foreskin of a young boy unless there is a specific medical reason. During infancy and childhood, the inner surface of the foreskin is physically attached to the skin on the head of the penis. This protects the opening of the penis from irritation, infection and ulceration. Over time, the cells that attach these two surfaces together will start to dissolve on their own. By trying to retract the foreskin prematurely, you are ripping apart these delicate tissues that nature has “glued” together.

A young boy will often push his foreskin away from his body. As he gets older, he will begin to pull it toward his body. A number of males don’t fully retract their foreskins until they are teenagers. This is normal and will usually happen without any coaxing or encouragement from mom and dad.

Parents do need to tell their teenage sons about cleanliness. They should explain that once a boy is able to retract his foreskin he should clean it every day in the shower. As for whether that daily cleaning should include soap, one of our urology-consultant physicians is himself uncircumcised. He is concerned that soaping the retracted foreskin daily might destroy the protective bacterial mantle and actually result in foreskin odor. He suggests only soaping it a couple of times a week, while retracting it and washing it with water the other days of the week. Other healthcare providers recommend retracting the foreskin and washing it with soap every day.

Reader Comments

“I love the way his penis slides in and out of his foreskin when he’s inside me. It not only stimulates me physically, but the thought of it also really turns me on while we are making love.”
female age 30

“I’d never even seen an uncircumcised penis until my current lover, but I’ve decided now that it’s the best thing since sliced bread. The foreskin makes hand jobs 100 times better and easier because it slides over the penis so you don’t need lube. I was kind of nervous about it at first but then I realized how stretchy the foreskin is even though it looks kinda fragile. For blow jobs, I pull the foreskin down to the base and massage it there and go to town.”
female age 18

“I love the way his cock slides in and out of his foreskin when he’s inside me—it not only stimulates me physically, but the thought of it also really turns me on while we are having sex.”
female age 30

“The only Jewish guy I ever slept with was also the only uncircumcised guy I ever slept with. He seemed to have more stamina than any of the others, but that might just be a coincidence.”
female age 21

“For a blow job, pull the foreskin up over the head and stick your tongue down inside of the opening and swirl it around.”
female age 38

“Just ask the guy how he likes it. Some guys like you to pull the foreskin tight; others say this hurts.”
female age 20

“I use my foreskin to massage her clitoris. This might only be possible with a partner who has a larger-than-normal clitoris. You need to be able to get hold of it.”
male age 65

“Once my wife and I are ready for penetration, I roll my foreskin all the way shut. I press it gently against her labia while spreading them slightly, and push the glans in just a little. Then, I withdraw the glans back inside the foreskin, never exposing it to open air. What this does is spread her lubricant all over the first half of my penis. After several strokes like this, I am able to slip inside easily. Sometimes we find this so pleasurable that we continue a good long while before penetrating farther.”
male age 38

“A partner should know that the inside of a foreskin is where there is the most feeling, so gentle movement of it over a cockhead and down the shaft feels great. The best part of getting a blow job is what a tongue and mouth can do with that inside lining of a foreskin.”
male age 59

“One thing I find particularly stimulating is to lubricate a finger or thumb, slip it between the foreskin and the head, and massage the glans. It feels really, really great.”
male age 19

“When did I first retract it? I was around ten. I would slowly pull it back every day in the shower. After about two weeks I was able to pull it all the way down.”
male age 22

“Letting the foreskin balloon is quite nice both when peeing and when enjoying the pool jets.”
male age 37

“I like to do the trick of clamping the end shut while peeing and making it swell up. Also, a similar and a more satisfying experience is to leave just a bit of the end open and put it under a strong flow of water so that the water flows in but has a place to get out.”
male age 20

“My fiancee does all the foreskin movement for me. It’s such a turn-on when she pulls it back and then returns it to normal. She does this with her mouth constantly while she gives me a blow job.”
male age 19

“There is nothing worse than cracking an erection in your pants and not being able to make it go away because your foreskin is retracted and the head of your cock keeps on rubbing on your pants.”
male age 18

“The very tip of the foreskin (like the rim of a volcano) can be very, very sensitive when you’re soft. A light, caressing finger running around the edge can feel electric... If she’s giving you a handjob and her ring isn’t tight around her finger, the flesh of the foreskin can get caught in between and pinch like hell. On the flip side, there’s something pretty erotic about handjobs while she’s wearing your engagement ring.”
male age 23

Resources:

National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers (Includes a list of foreskin-friendly physicians)
www.nocirc.org

Circumcision Information and Resource Pages
www.cirp.org

No Harm
www.noharmm.org

Circumcision Resource Center
www.circumcision.org

Doctors Opposing Circumcision (D.O.C.)
www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org

THANKS to Marilyn Milos who founded the National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Center.

CHAPTER

28

Sex Fantasies

G
iven how sex fantasies are nearly universal, it’s surprising we tend to be embarrassed about them. On the other hand, why bother fantasizing about things that everyone else approves of?

Some people know they’re horny because of the sexual fantasies they’ve been having. Some have a single reliable sex fantasy that they go back to time and again. Others have a virtual toolbox of scenes and images that help get them off. The vast majority of people have fantasies during intercourse, and a lot people find it difficult to masturbate to orgasm without an arousing sexual fantasy.

The content of sex fantasies varies; some are sweet, kind and silly; others are weird, kinky and bizarre. Some are action-packed and exciting; others are really boring. Some sex fantasies are populated with past lovers, rock ‘n’ roll singers, people in uniforms, movie stars, teachers, priests, family members, total strangers and even furry friends from another species.

One of the most popular sex fantasies involves doing stuff with your current partner, but that’s when couples are having sex together. When people masturbate, guilt is not so much in your face, and all bets are off as to who or what you are fantasizing about.

Given that our fantasies get their fuel from the deepest recesses of our being, there is virtually no limit to the scripts we create for our sexual selves. Those scripts can be very incongruent from the person we usually are or who our friends and partners know us to be. Within those scripts we can be active or passive, devil or angel. There’s nothing that says an obsessively neat surgeon can’t be masturbated by a pair of smelly feet, or a faithful and loving wife can’t be banged so hard by her husband’s brother that she imagines blood dripping from her vagina—all in the theater of the sexual mind.

Fantasies of Rape

It is not unusual to have fantasies in which sex is forced, nor is it unusual to fantasize about sex with people in uniform. Consider the following passage from Betty Dodson’s fine book,
Sex for One
, Harmony Books:

“A friend who considered herself a radical feminist got concerned that her sexual imagery wasn’t politically correct because it wasn’t ‘feminist oriented.’ I assured her that all fantasies were okay. Lots of people imagine scenes they never want to experience. I also pointed out that we can become addicted to a fantasy like anything else, and suggested she experiment with new ones. One of her new assertive fantasies is about moving her clitoris in and out of her lover’s soft wet mouth while he’s tied down. Whenever she gets stuck or is in a hurry, she brings out her old fantasy of being raped by five Irish cops and always reaches orgasm quickly.”

Sometimes being raped in fantasy is a way to enjoy pleasure that would otherwise cause guilt. Sex that is out of your control keeps you from having to feel responsible for wanting it. It is also a way to feel sexually desired and valued, since the perpetrator would do anything to have you.

Why the Rape in “Rape Fantasy” Isn’t Really Rape

If you ask most women who have rape fantasies to describe the man who is “raping” them, you’ll find he’s not exactly what we picture when we think of a violent felon, unless the guy has been spending six hours a day in the prison weight room or reads Shakespeare to his cellmate.

The perpetrators in most “rape fantasies” are actors, musicians or bodice-ripping hunks—someone who the woman might want to have sex with anyway. Missing is the terror, violence, confusion, rage and disgust that makes rape RAPE. The woman with the fantasy is in control by virtue of who she has “raping” her or because she’s the one scripting the scenario, while control is the last thing that a woman who is being raped has any of.